


I never give in

by BlackMoonRose



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: 1920s, Angst, Angst and Romance, F/M, MACUSA | Magical Congress of the United States of America, New York City, Office Romance, YN saves lives, he almost died
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackMoonRose/pseuds/BlackMoonRose
Summary: You and Percival Graves have been partners for a very long time. After hunting for an obscurial in Canada, you have become even closer than before and as you both were married to your job, you understood each other very well and worked great together. He was your only friend that you could rely on in life and in death. And you did so, many times, as did he. Over time your feelings for him have grown as you were quite fond of the mysterious and handsome man, and knowing a lot about him and his past made you care about him even more. However, you never let that escape and you kept your emotions concealed as you didn't want to risk ruining your friendship.After coming back from a month-long mission, you find out Graves is not behaving like himself, or rather he is, just the details don't match. Why would that be?
Relationships: Original Percival Graves/Original Female Character(s), Original Percival Graves/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. The suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come back from a mission outside MACUSA to find out something odd is happening.

It was a light morning when you have stepped out of the train, stretching you stiff arms. You have come back from a mission you were sent on to deal with some minor misbehaving wizards on the East of the US. Being one of the leading aurors made Madame Piquery trust you to complete the mission alone, and although it was quite a long one, you have finally managed to bring it to an end. The three men responsible were now escorted by you to the trial that would take place a day upon arrival to New York at the MACUSA headquarters. You were exhausted from the chase that was leading from town to town and the combat alone against the three as well- at a memory of it you massaged an aching jaw in the place one of the men hit. 

A job like a job.

You got off the train, nodding to the fellow wizards that have been waiting for you to take the prisoners over from there. The mission took much longer than anyone had imagined and now a warm summer turned to a dark and unwelcoming late autumn. A cold wind has gotten underneath your skirt, sending cold shivers through your skin and making you tighten your coat even more. The thought of your own warm bed and warm tea fortified you and lifted your mood a bit, the thought of seeing your friends even more. Especially one of them.

Graves and you have known each other for quite a long time now and you were proud to say you were one of his few friends. Graves has accompanied you a few years ago on a mission to deal with an obscurus in Canada and you have become closer ever since that. However, with both of you being married to your job and more and more incidents happening over the time, you couldn't see each other as often as before. Queenie was your second friend, with whom you could talk about everything and everyone. Apart from them you had almost no one, being very picky about your surroundings and acquaintances as you couldn't stand mindless and naïve people that cannot think for themselves.

You breathed in the smell of the city, listened to the noise of the people up and about, mixed with the squeaks of seagulls. It was your home and you missed it. You held your suitcase tighter and walked deeper into the city. The report could not wait so you headed to an abandoned alley and after making sure that there was no one around you, disapparated and apparated in front of MACUSA headquarters. You went up the stairs and entered the building, greeting the porter while going through the door. Everyone inside seemed busy, more than usual, as if something has happened. However, every now and then something that needed more attention has been going on and as a result you were not bothered by a it anymore. That is, not until you have looked up at the magical exposure threat meter, which was at one of the highest possible: Severe Unexplained Activity. The golden light filled you with confidence and eagerness to be ready for action. 

You rushed towards one of the elevators on the other side of the hall and asked to be brought to your own office as you wished to leave the suitcase there first. After just a moment you were there, opened the door and entered the room. It was dusty and the dead flowers on your desk looked quite depressing. The table was standing in the middle of the room, with drawers on both sides. There were two bookcases on the other side of the room, filled with works on different topics, majority being related to spells and charms, along with the defence against the Dark Magic. On the right were many file drawers that you would regularly go through, update and add new papers to it. All the furniture was made of wood, keeping its original colour. There was a painting of Yellowstone, a place you loved deeply, above the file drawers. You felt here at home, your own space in the enormous building that was MACUSA.

"Scourgify" you used a cleaning charm and settled your luggage by the left wall of the room, hanging your coat and hat above it on a hanger as well. Something was not right, you didn't believe that you could have left your office with so many papers laying around. Maybe you were in a hurry? After all it was a month ago and you could no longer recollect everything you've done before leaving.

You looked at the outcome of your spell and smiled to yourself. It was much better than before, now that everything was cleaned up. As you wanted to head to report you have realised that you still were wearing the travelling clothes, all dirty and mundane in order to mix with the crowd of No-Majs. With a wave of your wand you have transformed your clothes into more appropriate ones- a black tea length pleated skirt, with a cream shirt tucked in and black vest on top. The whole look was finished with an elegant and comfortable hair updo. You were ready to go, finally looking properly.

You knocked on the door to the Major Investigation department once you were there and awaited response.

"Enter!" Picquery ordered, and you did as she said. There were at least five people in the room, which was unexpected as it was supposed to be a private report. You raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. You spotted Graves amongst the present wizards and smiled towards him but quickly turned your sight towards Madame Piquery, who was studying something on the table. Some of the men present were sitting beside the big wooden table, some were going through the drawers that were placed around the room. The warm light lifted your spirit and made the room feel almost cosy.

"Madame President, I report back from the mission across Georgia. I have brought the wizards as you have ordered, and they are awaiting the trial now."

"Good, (L/N). However, that is of no importance at the moment as we have far greater issues to discuss. Have you heard of Grindelwald?" Piquery turned towards you and leaned with her back towards the table, her fingers intertwined with each other and held right above the stomach. She looked at you impatiently as you seemed a bit confused.

"That he has been spotted in Europe? Yes, of course. I have worked on the reports myself, Before I left there seemed to be an expedition force being formed to send after him, correct?" 

"Yes, however, you don't know the newest information as you were gone for so long. Our aurors have failed and few of them returned" she glanced for a moment to the side at Graves, who was leaning on one of the file cases, "and Grindelwald has disappeared. You will have the reports sent to your office immediately to catch up on this issue. We all must be aware of the danger that awaits when he shows up again. Meanwhile, we have more of a local issue to be dealt with." She sighed and gestured with a hand for you to come up to the table." One of our informants has brought us the news of a sign of a great force in New York. It is tormenting the city and the No-Majs. That combined with the New Salem movement can endanger the whole magical community. I want you and Graves to investigate on that, considering you work together best, and I need someone I can trust fully on this mission." She was showing you a few spots marked on New York's map as she was speaking. You leaned against the table, analysing the situation and everything that Madame President proceeded to update you on, along with new working schedule for you. You have asked a few questions about the details of the attacks and nodded as you were listening to the answers, contemplating the possible solutions and reasons as you had more and more information. The whole briefing couldn't take longer than half an hour.

"Now, (L/N), Graves, I want you to start working together as soon as possible. After that, (L/N), you may take the rest of the day off as I assume you may be tired after the journey. Work starts tomorrow." Only when she mentioned that you have finally felt that your body was giving up from the long way to New York. You nodded and said a quick "Yes, Madame President" and exited the room alongside Graves. 

Once outside you looked at him warmly, his dark eyes catching yours for a second before both of you turned away. Somehow you were happy that you got an opportunity to work together again, you sometimes missed his presence and experience he could share, as well as his insights to the mission. His presence had a weird effect on you, as if his authority was washing over you as well, making you feel safe.

"So, coffee at the usual place while catching up?" you asked nonchalantly while you were walking towards the elevator together.

"Right." He answered after a long pause and you looked at him worryingly but his expression remained blank.

"Is something wrong? " You were met by a long silence again before he spoke. You asked the house elf to be brought to the cafeteria on the ground level as you entered the elevator, Graves letting you enter first.

"There is a lot on my mind." He stated simply. You understood completely, knowing that he was one of the survivors of the encounter with Grindelwald and had to face issues here as well while recovering. You couldn't help but notice that despite that he looked good and handsome as never. His jet-black hair being swept back, his clothes flawless and elegant. He caught you staring and smirked, making you blush slightly.

"Well, then we better make it quick." 

A moment later you were on the ground level, still silent. You proceeded to go behind him as you could feel a new sense of authority and seriousness around him, much stronger than before, that has made you follow him. What he has experienced must have influenced him greatly. After going down the main stairs, you headed to the left, going through people quite fast. You exchanged a few nods and smiles with people that you knew before you came to golden steps that were leading to an office cafeteria, very light due to enormous windows on the right, letting the light in. There were not so many people there as the time for a lunch break at the offices was over. There were places by the bar and multiple white tables with golden legs scattered around the spacious chamber. 

You sat by a small round table on the side of the cafeteria, second chair being across the table from yours, and Graves went to order the coffee. This was your usual meeting spot and you've been here so many times that you have memorised his favourite drink and he yours, so you didn't even bother to tell him. He came back with two cups of flat white.

"Didn't know what to get you I went for the classic." He smirked and watched you attentively while you took your drink and sipped on it.

This was not your usual. He has never forgotten what your drink was before. Maybe the stress and the amount of work made it disappear from his head? Anyway, the coffee still made you a bit more alive and now you could talk about the strategy with him.

"What course of actions shall we take? We have to watch out for this... energy that can appear anywhere and anytime in the city while watching out for Grindelwald." You leaned forward and stared at him, changing your attitude to a professional one.

"I would not... rush things. Wait until we know something more." He replied in a deep and soothing voice. It sent shivers down your spine. You loved that voice, it was full of power and authority, fitting him so much. You missed it. You missed him.

"But we might know what it is. Don't you remember our first mission together? It began similarly to this as well." 

"In Canada? Yes, I do recollect that. Obscurial. We have to make sure it is truly one as any mistake can cost us dearly. I propose we work on the details while waiting for the next course of actions, cover up any of its activities." He leaned back and pressed a finger to his lips, deep in thought. His response surprised you.

"Wait? The last time we have done that people have died. I agree with working on the details, but we can't simply wait for something worse to happen. And there is a question of Grindelwald. I will catch up on everything later but what do you remember? Anything of use?"

"I think you have misunderstood me. This is our plan until we find out more about the situation." He said with force while leaning forward and took a sip of coffee, speaking a moment later." No, I do not remember much of Grindelwald's attack. If I did, we might have already caught him." You knew there was something he was not telling you, you just had no idea what it would be. Some kind of sixth sense was telling you that there was more to the story than that. Maybe you were just tired. That was definitely it, you needed a rest after a month-long mission in the country.

You chatted a bit more, splitting the work between you, and said your goodbyes, as always him kissing the top of your hand in a courteous act which only the two of you shared. The tiredness has gotten to you, you were ready to finally head home, but before that you just jumped quickly to get your things from the office and pack some of the reports to read later as well.

The next few days have been quite peaceful, but you started noticing some small odd behaviours of Percival that were different than what you have remembered. His favourite coffee has changed, the way he responded to you was a bit different, more reserved. He was forgetting some details from the past, some details that you would normally joke about. He seemed to you like a different but same person. Oddly enough, only you seemed to see that.

You have noticed some blank spots in the report from Europe as you were reading them over and over again. There was no material on what happened between the attack itself and gathering to head back to the US. Well, there was something, but it was so little that it made you question what has happened in that period of a few hours. When you asked Percival about it he just said that he doesn't know either as he woke up only then in the infirmary, being hurt after the attack. This just added to your worries about the obscurial and Graves. You had to talk about all this with someone.

One day you finally spotted Queenie in her pink and dark blue dress at MACUSA, carrying a tray with coffee towards the offices. She was going in the opposite direction as you but she has noticed you and waved with a smile on her face, coming to you quickly. You hugged tightly, as much as the tray in her hand has allowed her to, happy to see each other.

"Queenie, can we talk for a second?" The sudden seriousness on your face has baffled her.

"Sure! I just have to... Oh, coffee can wait!" She waved her hand and dragged you to a quieter place, underneath the wide main stairs.

"What happened? You look so serious all of the sudden..." Queenie observed you with worry written over her face. You looked around nervously, knowing what you are about to say was no easy thing, and definitely sounding mad for someone else.

"Queenie, I need your help. There is something wrong about Mr Graves, he is not acting himself lately." You whispered.

"Oh, but that is understandable! Facing Grindelwald must have been shocking for him."

"Yes, I know, but it's Percival we're talking about. He is the best wizard I have ever met. Even meeting someone like Grindelwald would not make him forget about most of the small things. I am not making it up. You know how close we are, how close we used to be..." You paused for a moment, all the memories and feelings flashing back at you. Queenie put a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it delicately in a friendly manner.

"It must be hard for you. Working so close to him again while you're in lo- "you gave her a death glare before she could finish the sentence. She stopped talking immediately and took her hand away.

"You were reading my mind again." A sigh escaped your lips as you were massaging the bridge of your nose before looking up at her again." At least you know what I mean now?" the woman nodded." Can you do something for me? Can you read his mind quickly? I need to know."

"Oh, honey. That's been impossible for years. He never lets me do it, there is a barrier around him. I wish I could help you." She looked at you apologetically. You bit your lip, thinking what to do now and nervously pacing around while doing so, the sound of your heels echoing in the nearby space.

"Then I have to ask him myself. I am going to him right after lunch, I will let you know afterwards what has become of it. Thank you anyway, Queenie." You placed a light kiss on her cheek as a goodbye and she smiled to you, walking away. You crossed your arms on your chest and leaned against the wall, deep in thought. What if you were wrong? What if you were just imagining things and everything was, in fact, alright? You have read the medical reports and it was normal for most of the affected wizards to be in such shock they could not remember certain things. But how could Percival not remember the years of your friendship that well? You felt a small aching in your heart but brushed it off as fast as it appeared. 

No. You could not be wrong about this. Even if your mind told you your assumptions are insane, your gut and heart were telling you otherwise.

You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the confrontation as you headed towards Percival's office.


	2. The confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As your suspicions regarding Graves grow, you decide to take the matter into your own hands and talk to him.

You knocked lightly to Percival's office and straightened up your tight royal blue dress as you waited for him to answer. Before getting a response, you hid your wand inside a long sleeve of the shirt that you wore underneath the dress.

"Enter" you heard a rough voice and the doors have opened in front of you, revealing a black and elegant room. Energetic and confident, you stepped inside and with a wave of a hand, he closed the door behind you. The time has come to see if you were right or not, to see if it truly was the Percy you have known for so long.

He was sitting right behind the table, the only lamp in the room that was above him made his dark as night hair shine and the bruises that marked his face visible as ever. Graves truly was the most mysterious but at the same time most wanted by women man in the whole MACUSA. The moment he looked up at you with these deep dark eyes you felt a spark in your heart, your body heating up when he smirked at you and stood up to go around his desk and stand in front of you.

"What is it, (Y/N)?" Graves asked you softly while leaning against the table, his hands in pockets of his trousers. His eyes were piercing you, but you knew this sight so well it wasn't working on you anymore. The pure fact that he was behaving so casually annoyed you. You took up a defensive position, switching your weight to one leg, crossing your arms and tilting your head, returning the suspicious glare.

"The hell is wrong, Graves? You're avoiding me. We were partners for so long and if it wasn't for that stupid mission in Georgia we still would be! Why so cold all of a sudden?!" you accused him while getting more and more overtaken by emotions.

It annoyed you that he acted like he just accepted your presence and involvement. You hated that he treated you the way he did everyone else, despite being so close before and being able to rely on each other, in life or death. You glared at him bellicosely, waiting for an answer and ready for an eventual argument.

"Something wrong? With me? Nothing, but if I were you, I would control my anger." his voice was so calm but with a hidden warning, it stumped you. You raised your eyebrows in a surprise, ignoring his last remark.

"So you call changing habits nothing? Forgetting the past nothing? Hell, pretending like you don't even know me: nothing?!" you could not tell what he was thinking as his face expressed no emotions, as always. He just watched you attentively. Stepping closer, you were now standing face to face with him, having to raise your chin a bit to still look him in the eyes as he was significantly taller than you. "What happened in Europe, with Grindelwald? You are not the same ever since..." your voice lowered down as you were saying this, reaching merely a whisper at the last sentence.

"You asked this of me a dozen times and the answer remains the same: I do not remember. I was knocked out like the others and awoke only after a few hours." He massaged his temple, visibly frustrated, then looked back at you." And I am not pretending I don't know you, (Y/N), do you really feel this way?"

"Every. Single. Day. We're supposed to work together on this and all you do is take half of the job and close yourself in this office, doing god knows what." You waved your hand in anger and looked to the side for a moment. Letting out a sigh and cooling down a bit, you turned your gaze back at Graves. "We used to rely on each other in life and death, like no one else. Why is it gone?" you were not only angry but also upset with him. He was the only person you opened up to, and you were one of the only ones that he let into his life as more than just an acquaintance. You needed him more than you were able to admit. Percival was your stable ground in this world full of dangers and being able to rely on him, to confide in him made you feel somewhat better, safer. Now this feeling of safety was at risk and you had no idea why that was happening.

"I can assure you, this was not my aim. I have harder time focusing after Europe and I can't have anyone with me, not even you. I'm sorry." He brushed a lose strand of hair away from your face, his hand cupping your cheek and staying there as he's done it. You looked him in the eyes. There was something out of order in the way he looked at you. There were no emotions, not even now at this gentle touch. The emptiness of these eyes when he was looking at you was scaring you. You frowned and took a step back, his hand that was reaching to your cheek a second ago now hanging in the air.

"Percival Graves, you are lying to me. There is more to Europe than you are willing to tell me." You looked him dead in the eyes. He was hiding something, and you wanted to know what it was. Suddenly you remembered that you not only went over the official report, but also tried to dig deeper to get to all the reports from that night. There were none. And the only one rewriting the report was Graves, whom you were about to accuse. The only problem was that if you followed down that path, consequences might be worse than just getting a reprimand or losing a friend. As much as it hurt you, as much as you didn't want to do it and wanted to trust Percival, you knew there was something off. And being fond of him did not make your decision any easier. You froze for a minute before you spoke further, calming down and letting go of all the emotions you could. You kept repeating yourself that this is not Percival, that this is not the man that you knew, not the men that you were hiding your feelings from. You held your hands behind you, assuming a more authoritative position, more refined and powerful voice. It still was nothing compared to the power emanating from Graves but it was your best shot.

It was the time to find out the truth.

"I have read the reports. There are blank spots. No matter what you have told me about them, none of that was true. There are about four hours missing between you waking up and leaving the camp and I would like to know: why?" He seemed taken aback by your sudden change to more professional tone as he looked at you mischievously, in wonder. That was for a moment before he chuckled, only to later run fingers over his cheek and mouth, shaking his head, before looking back at you again.

"You are truly trying this technique? On...me?" in an elegant manner, he pointed a finger at himself and sighted." I wish I could tell you more but what is in reports is exactly what happened."

"No. I was digging deeper and have found out that originally there were actually three reports from three different aurors. "You took a step towards him." And you have worked on them, compromising all of them in the official one. But I did not find the original reports, as if they never existed or were destroyed. So I am asking you again: what has happened that you are not telling me? That you are not telling anyone? Where are the original files?" your eyes pierced him, waiting for the answer. When he opened his lips, however, you stopped him by raising a finger in a silencing gesture.

"Think well. The forgery of documents is a serious crime. And crime is so unlike the Graves I knew, Graves that was my partner."

He just suddenly smiled. Not the nice, apologetic or even lighthearted sort of smile. No. It was the scariest grin you have ever seen, the cruelty and evilness that filled it gave you goosebumps. You wanted to step back towards the door, but your feet were stuck on the ground. The only thing you could do was watching him with eyes wide open.

"You, my dear, are asking too many questions. I would think twice if I were you. The consequences are not going to be the ones you expect." The warning in his voice that was there before has turned into threat, yet his tone remained calm. You'd rather he shouted at you, it would be easier to face.

After a moment of silence, you regained your ability to speak.

"Too many questions? Why? What is it that you want to hide so much?" There was something odd about the way he was acting. He would never hide reports from fellow MACUSA Aurors, nor deny the claims. And especially not mess with the paperwork of institution that was so dear to him.

You met with silence and a mocking glare for him, as if he expected you to achieve nothing and pitied your assumptions.

"You have changed, Percival. What is going on with you? I don't understand" you whispered seriously, trying to see something in his eyes, anything.

" Very well, then. If you don't want to cooperate, I will go to Seraphina and ask about it. Once the issue is brought to her, there is no going back and concealing. I am going to find out what is in these reports, it's too serious of a case to just ignore the missing files." You turned around and headed to the door, putting your hand on the doorknob and opening them.

They did not move. You could not even turn the knob.

"What is this, Graves?" you turned around and looked at him suspiciously.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, love. You are getting in the way and endangering everything." He slowly shook his head while raising a hand. You replied with taking the wand out and doing the same.

"What?" before the force hit you, you managed to quickly cast protego on yourself. You felt nothing but now knew that you were right, and something really was off.

"Why are you closing me here? What is going on?!"

"Well, love, you come in the way. No one has questioned anything yet and I'm surprised you found out."

This was not Percival. The voice, the words he was speaking did not match him, did not match the man you knew. He would never attack you.

"Revelio"

You observed as the man in front of you was slowly changing while bending down and laughing, almost maniacally. When he raised his head again to look at you, it was not Graves.

"Grindelwald..."

"Oh, love, I really did think that no one could see through the spell. After all, mister Graves was but a loner, the easiest identity I have assumed so far. No one was to care about him or be close enough with him but now I see I was mistaken." He started walking towards you, with a grin spread across his face, not reaching his heterochronic eyes.

Your blood started to boil. Here he was in front of you, man responsible for so many deaths, so much distress. The man for whom the whole wizarding world was looking. The man who managed to collect a group of fanatics to do whatever he ordered. But you could think only about one person and a sole thought of him being hurt froze your blood.

"What did you do to Percival?" a whisper overwhelmed by fear escaped your lips.

"Graves? He's still alive, if that's what you want to know. But after not letting me know how to handle you, he barely will be..."

You knew what you had to do, as well as any other Auror.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot let you do that. You are under arrest. Do not try anything." The only response was a laughter and him looking at you in disbelief.

"Under arrest? Do you really not know who you're dealing with?"

"I know perfectly well, you scum. You are going to pay for everything you've done." You were ready to cast another spell but before you knew it, the wand disappeared from your hand and you were no longer able to move, stuck in one position.

Grindelwald started circling you, shaking his head lightly and still smiling.

"No, no, no... You see, I cannot let you do that. The sole fact I am talking to you right now is merely my wish. You could be dead and it is only for me to decide." Fury and helplessness raised in you as you were trying to move, to do something, anything. All was futile. His magic was too strong to break just like this.

"Then why haven't you done it yet?" poison filled your words. The thought of Percival being hurt or used by Grindelwald made you furious and in despair. You did not control yourself any longer, your heart racing and words escaping your lips faster than they went through your mind.

"I am intrigued. How did you know that I was not Graves?"

"Why would I tell you? So that you can correct your performance and assure yourself that no one more is going to be suspicious?" you scoffed" no way am I helping you with that, you filthy liar." He theatrically put hand on his chest and pouted.

"My, my! I'm affronted you'd think so!" he then came back to normal behavior and got close to you, too close to your liking. He looked you attentively up and down, as if analyzing something. Then he scoffed.

"I could have a use of someone like you"

"Is that a joke? Oh, please, do tell me that is a joke because no one could think of such a stupidity to ask of me." You rolled your eyes and remarked sarcastically "I'd rather die than join you."

"That is easily arrangable..." now you scoffed.

"You will not do it"

"I'm afraid nothing is stopping me."

"Oh really? Because I know what is. The pure fact that my friends know where I am and why. If anything was to happen to me, they would immediately know who is to blame, and once they announce it or bring it to Picquery, I'm afraid you will have a much bigger fish to deal with. Like the whole MACUSA, for example."

At these words he put hand on his mouth and started thinking. You were right, such a risk was not worth taking, but he could also not let you free after everything that you've seen.

"We are both well aware I can't let you go. So just tell me everything I want to know. Starting with who knows about your visit here." He lifted your chin and looked at you demandingly.

"You are nuts. There is no way I tell you anything."

"Then you leave me no choice. Imperio." He wanted to take over your willpower but he apparently underestimated your training. Being in the field has taught you one thing- never allow anyone to get to your head and be ready to block any mind attack immediately.

Grindelwald looked impressed when the connection did not appear and just brushed over you.

"Surprised?" you said in venomous voice.

"Such a talented witch... it's a pity that your talent is going to be wasted. Because, unlike you, I know how to get what I want. Crucio."

The force holding you let go and now you ended up on the ground, hissing in pain and trying not to scream. The wave of pain went through your body as if someone was burning every inch of your skin from inside and outside at the same time. You were curling on the ground, futilely trying to shield yourself from the source of suffering. Soon you could no longer hold back and started to scream and pant heavily.

"Still not wanting to tell me anything?" Grindelwald said in a sweetened tone.

"Never" was all you could whisper before another wave went through your body, this time stronger. You rolled to your back, tears were streaming on our face. You resisted long, until you were nearly passed out from pain.

Then it all stopped. It felt like you no longer had a body that could be moved, like you were no longer in it, the pain has left it feeling so unnatural, so foreign. You could still feel the buzzing in your head, everything was spinning around you. You just kept panting after the weight was lifted off your lungs.

Grindelwald went up to you and crouched beside you, with that devilish smile planted on his lips.

"You know, I think that this is a dejá vu for me... That's right! Graves was exactly in the same position as you are now!" even despite being tired and overwhelmed by the pain, you made an attempt to catch him by the coat but failed miserably, just sinking to the ground again.

"A feisty one, aren't you? Or is it something else?" he kneeled beside you and watched you carefully.

"You are going to pay for everything..." you hissed through gritted teeth, having hard time saying these words. Your throat was hurting from all the screaming.

"See, I'm not going to pay for anything. These filthy muggles are, not me, not any of my supporters. We are just a front of a great revolution that you could be part of. A better future for all the wizarding world. I renew my proposal- join me." He reached with his hand towards you but you just looked at him in disbelief.

"You're mad." You raised your voice a little and looked to the ceiling. This was insane. You had him, he was in MACUSA, and you could literally do nothing. You lost your wand. You were at his mercy. Maybe you should finally learn when to shut up.

"Am I? All you do is refusing when the smartest option would be to give in."

"I. Never. Give. In." you accentuated every word.

"Then I'm afraid there is a first time for everything, love. Imperio." With your mind weakened, you no longer could hold a mind barrier against him. This was his aim all along, to tire your mind and body so much you could no longer resist.

Everything around you became blurred, you couldn't hear anything that well, it seemed like all the sounds were from behind the wall. You stood up, not by your own will, not feeling the exhaustion or pain. You lost control over yourself, your actions, leaving you as a viewer. Your voice spoke but you did not hear nor understand the words that you were saying; your body moved but not of your own will. It felt like a trance, everything seeming so surreal and distant. It was not an unpleasant feeling, however, it made you panic inside. You tried to fight back but still could not regain control.

Grindelwald has taken control over you.


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being under Grindelwald´s control, what would it take for you to break free?

The whole experience of being under the spell was completely surreal for you. You felt like you were just a viewer who was watching spectacle, not having any impact on the actions or words spoken. Although fighting it was pointless, as you were too weak to even cause a more serious threat to break it, you tried every day anyway. You attempted to scream, your mind was exploding with the unfulfilled desire, duty to share the dangerous secret with everyone I MACUSA. Everything was futile. You were growing weaker and weaker every day, attempting less and less often to break free of Grindelwald's control. But days began to melt together and you didn't know how long passed since you became a visitor in your own body.

Nevertheless, you tried, you kept fighting every day, no matter how clouded your judgment was becoming. Grindelwald hasn't tried anything with you, though, just ordered you to do some mundane tasks you were always doing, but this time you spent most of the day with him, closed in the office. He was keeping watch on you and the less contact with others you had, the safer this whole operation was to him.

After about a week you were ordered to apparate by the address given by Grindelwald. By that time, you almost completely fell under the spell, your will being just a tiny spark in your head, searching for the opportunity to get free and lighten your mind, spread the thoughts to your whole body.

You tightened your coat around your neck, trying to cover yourself from the cold wind that was going through the streets of New York. You looked around quickly, noticing the surrounding.

The part of the city surrounding you definitely could not be called safe. The garbage on the streets, people dressed poorly, coughing, and countless ropes with laundry hanging from window to window on the tight lanes spreading from the main street did not exactly scream 'rich district'. The buildings were sometimes partially falling apart, windows often having broken or no glass at all. Some No-Majs on the sides looked like they were just muscle to hire, others were just lying on the sides, begging for money. The smell that hit your nostrils the moment you appareted was definitely not the light one to take on, even if you were in a trance-like state you could still feel and experience it.

Your clothing was definitely the thing that distinguished you from others, it was too new, too fresh, too elegant. Nevertheless, Grindelwald wanted you there and you could do nothing but follow. You had no say in it.

You went to one of the side alleys on the right, the one that looked a little bit better with its windows still intact, and took the second steps up, leading to an apartment complex in a tenement building. You went up to the fourth floor, the second last one, and entered.

Grindelwald was already waiting there, facing the window on your left, so you could only see his back. Of course, he was still transfigured to look like Percival, which awoke the fight inside you again.

All your instincts told you to flee or fight, but the spell was overriding them, forcing you to stay and do nothing.

"You're here, very well." The man turned around and turned his gaze to you." You are going to help me get the very last bit of information I need. The net is closing and I only have that much time in my hands..." he waved his hand and turned his step towards the front door, opening them. He gave you one last look from behind his shoulder." When you're done, dispose of him."

And Grindelwald was gone, leaving you alone in the apartment. It was simple and dirty, with almost no furniture except for a drawer and a table with two chairs beside it by the huge window in front of you. A frayed see-through curtain was fluttering in the wind that was getting into the room through a small creak. Apart from what was supposed to be a living room, there was a small toilet and a closed door on the right, judging from the size of the apartment also very small. There were some dark marks on the walls to the right, as well as on the floor, which were leading towards the right, as if something was being dragged on the ground.

Your mind was awaking from the stasis of this hypnosis.

You were panicking.

You were scared.

Who knows what was in there? The gears were slowly starting to turn in your head and as your hand was unconsciously reaching the handle you realized all these dark markings were blood. And there was an unsettling amount of it. You started to try to break the spell again, with more force than in the past days, you were frightened of what you were about to see, what you were about to do.

The doors were now opening, and you could see a human figure by the wall, it was too dark to notice any more details. But that person was strapped by the hands, half hanging half kneeling in a very uncomfortable position of having their knees a few inches away from the ground. Unknowingly, you raised your wand and casted lumos, lighting up the room and being able to see everything more clearly.

The ground around that person as well as the wall behind them were covered in small puddles of blood. The small room had no windows nor furniture, only what seemed like chains that were attached to the wall, magical chains as you sensed. The person that was imprisoned, a man you now recognized, looked half alive. Once elegant trousers were now torn and marked by stains, a shirt must have been white and matching to the bottoms, but it was spread open, one of the sleeves was missing and many places were marked by the dripping blood or wounds underneath. The man's head was hanging in the air, facing the ground, as if all the life escaped from the body, but the heavy and seemingly hard for him breathing suggested otherwise. Black hair was tousled, covering his face so you were unable to see who it was. A sudden quiet moan escaped his lips as he tilted his head a bit towards the light, just enough so you could catch a glimpse of his features.

Graves.

Your body was not listening.

It was not listening!

What were you about to do? What did Grindelwald order you to do?

You were fighting inside, the sight of Percival has awoken the willpower in you again, enhanced by panic. You would not allow Gellert to hurt him again, especially not with your own hands!

Something was happening because you dropped your wand. It was working! You focused to break the spell, you could not fall to it any longer, especially not now.

Seeing Graves has given you more power, more motivation, more will than ever before. Your tired mind, exhausted from such a long time under Imperius and from the Cruciatus from before was giving one last fight, one last try to break the spell.

You could hear yourself saying "no", over and over again, your head exploding with pain, your scream.

Everything went dark.

You could hear before you could feel your heavy panting.

Your cheek was pressed to the cold and sticky floor, you didn't know how much time has passed. Your whole body was aching, you were nauseous, and your head was spinning round. A pain filled your body, what seemed to be the interrupted Cruciatus aftermath, but nevertheless you forced yourself to lift your chest off the ground, supporting yourself with the arms. You could not see, not yet, as your sight was still woozy. The room around seemed to pulsate in a weird way, you lifted hand to your forehead and rubbed it, going through your hair later as well. When you looked at it again it was covered in blood. Not yours but the one that was spilled on the ground. Except for your heavy breath the only thing you could hear was ringing in your ears.

It took you a moment to realize where you were and what has happened. Suddenly, you remembered everything.

"Percy..." You whispered and lifted your head to look for him. Graves was still strangled by the wall, his head hanging unconsciously, he was not really aware of what was happening around him. Your hands were frantically searching the ground for your wand that you have dropped earlier on, you needed to break the chains, you needed to get him to safety.

How long would it be before Grindelwald came after he felt that the Imperius broke? How much time did you have to get you both to MACUSA? Definitely too little, you needed to hurry.

Finally, your hands met with the elongated shape of your wand, you grabbed it and forced yourself to stand up on still a bit wobbly and unstable legs. You were close to Graves, having it that you fell in front of him, but you still came closer to free him. His handcuffs were blocking his magic and only now could you really sense it. All his wounds were more visible as well, he was covered in them, all the blood in the room was his. Your heart was beating fast, you were scared for him, for his life. He needed medical attention immediately. Kneeling in front of him, you delicately put your arm around him to support him, his breath got faster and you could hear him mumbling the word no. Your heart was breaking.

"Shhh, Percy, everything is going to be okay, everything's going to be okay... I'm here, you're safe." You whispered softly, trying to calm him down but feeling tears going down your cheeks. Wiping them quickly to not let the salt cause Percival any pain, you proceeded to open the chains with a wave of your wand.

Graves fell down, his head rested on your shoulder and the whole weight of his body was leaning on you, pushing down. The two of you slumped to the ground, you were supporting him as much as you could, however, being weakened from the spells was not helping you in that. You put your hand behind his head and hugged him lightly, being relieved he was still alive.

This was what mattered. He was alive.

You changed your position, sliding towards the wall and resting your back against it, correcting the way Percival was leaning on you by sliding your leg to his other side behind him. He was laying with his back on you, having him between your legs gave you a both a more stable position. His head rested on your chest, with one hand you held his torso so he wouldn't slide down, with the other you reached and brushed his long messy hair out of his eyes. His face was bruised, a fresh wound was on his forehead and the track of blood led towards his chin. His brow arch was swollen, he looked miserable. For the first time you've seen him with a beard. You placed a small kiss on his forehead, not stopping yourself from this action.

"Oh, Percy... what has he done to you?"

You took your wand out and began to focus on the first healing spell that came to your mind. The position you were in was not the best to perform it but you did not think about that. You wanted to keep the man close to you, not letting him out of your arms, being too afraid of what might happen if you do. Still shaken by Imperio and being overwhelmed by anxiety, it was not easy for you to focus. It took a moment, but the warm golden light finally went out of your wand, embracing Graves' body and starting the healing. You looked at it with relief but not a moment went by and the spell suddenly stopped, not working fully, as most of the wounds were still left untouched. So apparently most of them were inflicted by magic. You needed to hurry. Suddenly, you heard a small crack, looked to your hand only to see your wand broken in half.

Cold shivers went down your spine. Grindelwald has apparently enchanted your wand to do so, making you defenseless. He must know, he must have known so far that he didn't have you in control. How much time did you have? Too little, way too little.

"Think, think! What do I do?" You looked to the ceiling in despair, frantically thinking, trying to come up with a plan. You could think of nothing, all the solutions involved magic and not being able to use the wandless type like Percival has put a difficult choice in front of you. You looked at the man in your arms, uncertain if you could risk using disapparate on you both.

You knew how powerful the wands could be, how they could channel your own power and ability, everyone knew that. They were special as they chose their owners and not the other way round, making them seem almost alive. You've heard what has happened to others who were using broken ones, how much risk that would bring, but you also came up with a fast idea. What if the wand could kind of do what was asked of it but only with a bit of the sacrifice of the power of the wizard? What if you treated it as a living being and decided to give it more than just a power to channel through, give the essence that would hold it intact for just the second needed? You might have been crazy to think that, after all you have never heard of it and didn't know how it should work. But you were willing to try anything to get Percival to safety.

You focused fully on half a wand in your hand, trying to imagine the power going from you to it. Something must have worked because you started to feel lighter, a bit weaker and dizzier. When you felt like it was enough, you brought up the image of MACUSA in your head and risked casting the spell while hugging Graves closer to your chest.

Everything span around you and a force took you, dropping you violently to the ground a second later. In addition to the pain of the impact and taking your breath away, you felt weak, so much weaker than before. The power that was entrusted to the wand must have reached further than just your magic, making you impossibly exhausted, feeling like you could pass out any time soon. None of the voices around have reached you. You were still holding tightly onto Graves, the impact hit mainly you, him being shielded by your body. Feeling a panting lifting and slumping of his chest under your hand calmed you a bit, and you dared to look around.

The apparate spell has worked almost exactly as you have wanted, moving you to front stairs leading to MACUSA headquarters. As you stared at it, there seemed to be an unusual rush on the street, people running towards one direction, both no-majs and wizards. However, your mind was not there, you did not care about what was happening in the alleys. The sole thought that kept you from passing out was getting Graves to safety. His breath was getting ghastfully short as if something was blocking it.

"No, no, no, Percy, we're so close to MACUSA! Percy, just hold on a bit longer." Your hand was brushing his cheek in panic. He looked so fragile, so broken, so weak. A sight you never wanted to see and hoped never to see again. His magically inflicted wounds were not an easy thing to heal and he had so many of them you knew immediately that there is a low chance he's going to make it. The magical chains must have kept him alive and stable somehow but without them the inner injuries were slowly doing more damage to the body.

Someone was running down the stairs towards you two, screaming something, others following in his steps. It was now or never. You knew one ancient spell, one that didn't require wand, to try to help him. You stumbled upon it while browsing old parchments of Native American witches once and you remembered it in case something would go south and your partner would be in life threatening situation. Being antisocial and covering yourself in books at Ilvermorny payed off sometimes.

"Oh, you're going to kill me for this..." you chuckled lightly while looking at Percy. You risked so many times already, what will one more time do? You had no more time to lose, you quickly took some blood from your face on finger and painted a skewed line to the right on Percival's chest, adding a dot to its left side, then drawing the same symbol on your own neck. Focusing, you started enchanting in a melodic voice, repeating the word "ni-na-do-nil" ten times. When you were finished with the spell, people were already surrounding you, you could hear whispers, catching yours and Percival's name from time to time. But the only one you were looking at was Graves, you didn't feel any change and wanted to see if maybe it worked on him. Just when you thought that nothing has happened, you felt a sharp pain on your left leg and stomach and looked down. Percival's wounds in these places seemed to have disappeared while you started bleeding. His chest lifted and you could hear the sound of your ribs breaking. The replacement spell worked, transferring some of his injuries to your body, just enough to not threaten your own life but give him a better shot at pulling through. You held back from screaming and smiled lightly through tears when you saw his breath regulating and his eyelids twitching, as if he was waking up and was about to open his eyes.

You succeeded.

That was the last thing you saw before passing out.


	4. Safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have saved Percival with a long-forgotten spell that helped him survive but knocked you out by transferring some of his wounds onto your own body. Now, you awake at the hospital wing in MACUSA, disorientated and with more worries than before.

The first thing that you felt was a rough touch of fabric surrounding you. Groaning a bit you opened your eyes slowly, only to close them as fast as possible due to blinding white light. You held your hand up in an attempt to cover it and have a look around to figure out where you were, trying to remember what happened but as soon as you moved your arm you felt a striking pain going through your chest. The memories started to come back.

The scenes were flashing in your mind like crazy: discovering Grindelwald, finding Graves and bringing him back to MACUSA, then casting an ancient replacement spell to transfer some of his wounds to you to give him a better chance at survival. And the last moment before you passed out, Percival steadying his breath and a shredding pain in your ribs.

All of this lasted merely a split second but it made you to shoot up straight on the bed, causing more pain in your chest but you tried to ignore it, taking short breaths. There were only two thoughts in your head: warning everyone about Grindelwald and making sure Graves is alive and well. Still not used to the light but stressed and disoriented, you swept your feet over to the side of the bed and got up in a hurry, planning to run and search for someone, anyone. Feeling more pain originating in your leg, you made a wry face in an attempt to stop yourself from screaming and tried to walk further, to ignore the pain. Having scotoma from standing up so fast, you did not see anything for a while, which caused you to run into something that moved along with you. A medical table. Getting used to the light allowed you to recognise where you were- MACUSA medical wing, in the hall where "rooms" were separated with curtains from each other. You stumbled forward but your injured leg was giving up, causing you more and more pain. Right by the exit of your room, you felt dizzy and significantly weaker, so you grabbed the cloth in order to stop yourself from falling. Those were only a few steps from the bed but all the injuries that were transferred to you from Percival and a quite long influence of Imperius drained so much out of you.

You heard someone rush towards you and grab your arms gently but strongly and help you to sit down on the ground without damaging yourself more. You looked up. It was one of the older nurses with whom you already met a couple of times but only in bad circumstances, unfortunately.

"Miss (L/N), please, you need to rest, you're not allowed to get up just yet. You've been through a lot."

"Martha" you groaned realising how dry your throat was and how much it hurt you to speak. The nurse looked at you with compassion in her eyes. "Grindelwald. We need to stop him."

"He won't be a problem anymore, miss. He's right here in the dungeons, caught not so long after you appeared in front of MACUSA." A relief washed over your body as soon as you've heard these words. Finally, they caught him and realised what was wrong. Martha started to help you in getting up and led you towards the bed, however, you did not move from the spot once you were on your feet.

"Graves. How is he? Where is he?" the nurse could sense the fear in you because she smiled gently and squeezed your arm lightly in a reassuring gesture, at the same time pulling you towards the bed.

"He's alright, miss. But any time longer and it would have been trouble. Now let's get you to bed, shall we?"

"No. No, no, I need to see him." you protested, trying to wiggle your way out of her arms, which earned you a tired sigh from Martha.

"What you need is rest, miss. Your wounds will not heal properly if you won't let them. He's asleep anyway. He's been ever since the medics took care of him and stabilised his state." you stopped fighting at these words and looked her straight in the eyes.

"How long was I out?"

"It would be about two days now. You've been through a lot but we're not sure how it happened, someone from the office will come to you later to write the official report." you rolled your eyes, you could do it yourself later. But you understood that your return to MACUSA was certainly an unusual circumstance, being covered in blood and half alive all of the sudden. Snapping back to reality, you stood still and leaned on Martha's shoulder, relying on her to support you a bit more.

"Please, take me to him." The thought of not knowing anything about his state and already experiencing what it was like without him, you were desperate to see Percival. You were scared that something could happen to him again, despite how ridiculous it sounded.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea." Martha was reluctant but seeing how broken and tired you were, she started to doubt what would be best. She knew you well enough to figure out that if she did not help you to get to him. you'd do it anyway and possibly hurt yourself even more on the way. Doubt was lingering her mind and with a sigh and shaking her head, she finally gave in.

"You're as stubborn as he is sometimes." you could feel disappointment in her voice but you just smirked at the remark.

"Oh no. I can be much worse."

Martha led you through the hall, reaching a door a bit further down the corridor. Every step caused you pain, your chest felt like it was about to explode, you could barely stand on the injured leg. No word or sound escaped your lips as you moved forward, you didn't want to cause the nurse more trouble than she already had or prove her point about needing to rest. She opened one of the doors for you and led you forward into the room lit by sunlight from the big window. The hospital bed was placed in the middle, beside it a nightstand and a chair. You saw Graves resting on the bed, his breath was steady and deep. Tears of joy, relief and pain came up to your eyes as you looked at him, finally in safety. Martha stopped and waited a bit for you to have a moment of reassurance and wanted to lead you back but you did not move a bit, pushing further instead.

"No, miss (L/N). I cannot let you stay here." she protested but you just smiled and shook your head in response, not able to say a word. She rolled her eyes at you and helped you to get in the chair, being considerate of your injuries. You hissed once you sat down but were glad and relieved you could be here. You thanked Martha before she left and leaned in, closer to the man in front of you. You hid your face in your hands and cried in silence. This was a lot to take, everything was taking place too fast. You felt helpless, drained, weak and hurt. You allowed yourself to break only now, when you thought you were alone, when all the stress has gone away, the adrenaline disappearing and leaving an empty shell behind. Tears were going down your face for a while before you started to calm down and pull yourself together. You looked up at Graves, all the bruises were still visible but he looked much better than the last time you've seen him, all covered in blood.

"I'm so sorry, Percy..." was all you could whisper before your sight was fogged by tears again. "I'm so so sorry" your voice broke at the last sentence. You wiped out your tears and reached to put your hand on his, pressing it gently. He needed all the strength to heal and wake up and you refused to leave his side again. For a moment before you brought him back you were scared you'd never have a chance to tell him how you feel and almost losing him just confirmed that what you thought was just a crush was something more. You've been colleagues for long and relied on each other so much you could not imagine your life without him. The thought of losing Percival scared you to death and probably if you hadn't pulled off that ancient spell you probably would have. But Graves was in front of you, maybe not yet healed but in good hands. Most importantly, safe and alive.

With a bit of trouble and unsteadiness, you moved to sit on the side of the bed, right beside his chest. Percival looked so peaceful, his hair was still as messy as when you found him, a beard added him years. You brushed a lose strand of hair away from his face and just gazed silently, wondering when would he wake up. It took you two days, it will definitely be longer for him.

"It's all over now, we're safe." you whispered in relief, partly to him and partly to calm yourself down. "Just please, get well soon."

You stayed by his side for a few next hours, moving to the chair when the medics came in to check on Graves and apply healing oils and use spells on him. Despite being asked to leave and get rest yourself, you refused and stated that you were not moving anywhere, staying there in case he woke up. Reluctantly, the healers accepted that and remembered to treat you as well every time they came to check on Graves. However, your stubbornness did have a toll on your health, making the process slower and more painful. Sometimes you were in and out of sleep, sitting in the chair and resting your upper body on the hospital bed. But you barely left the room except a couple of times a day when needed, even despite the fact that you were barely alive from the uncomfortable position you were sleeping in. The nightmares didn't help either, you were taking many short naps during the day because the nights were a complete terror to you, waking up with a silent scream or tears streaming down your face. You told yourself that it was okay, that they're going to go away sooner or later, it was just a matter of time. Now the most important was Graves.

Queenie and Tina came to check on both of you one day and were surprised when they found you by Percival's bedside. You stood up to greet them, the blonde rushed to your side and hugged you.

"Sweetie, you should be resting. I know you care about him but this doesn't change that you need rest as well." she whispered to you softly and you just chuckled.

"You have no idea how many times I've heard this. " You chuckled bitterly" But I'm good where I am and I'm not planning on changing that." you put your mind barrier down so that Queenie would have access to your thoughts to fully understand why. She looked at you differently now, being the only person who knew your story and how has it come to this.

"Oh my. I'm so sorry about what happened, (Y/N), we should have realised what was going on sooner."

"What? What happened?" Tina just looked disoriented at the two of you, expecting some answers. You explained everything in a short version, commenting that you'll fill her up on the details later and hinting that maybe Queenie will also be able to tell something. They brought some good news for you. You already knew that Graves was supposed to be waking up any day now but they filled you in on the info that Grindelwald has been sent back to Europe, so there was no threat from his side for the time being.

The girls left after a moment to get back to work and you sat as comfortably as you could in the chair, thinking things through. You needed to get a new wand, get the security system checked once again, try to figure out what went wrong and how no one realised anything. The very same day you brought some of the paperwork to the hospital room and started working on your report to the headquarters about everything that has happened, at least everything that you could remember.

After finishing up writing about finding Graves, you looked up at him, his beard grew a bit longer over the past few days you were by him, but even despite normally being pale, his skin got some healthier colour to it. You smiled at the thought of talking to him again and went back to writing, only to fall asleep not too long afterwards.

Martha came by to check on Graves a couple of hours later, smiling and shaking her head in disbelief when she noticed you have fallen asleep half sitting in the chair and half leaning on the bed beside him, pieces of paper either stashed on the night table or still resting on your lap. She came over and put a cover on your shoulders and took the sheets she could get from you on top of the stash. Her eyes spotted words "tortured" and "kill" and she frowned, afraid to catch anything more. You never really told anyone what has happened in detail, choosing to share the short version of events and writing a full report instead. However, Martha could not resist her curiosity and held the paper for a while longer, reading about your experiences from being ordered by Grindelwald to kill Graves to the arrival at MACUSA. The nurse now was beginning to understand why you didn't want to share that much and felt sorry for you- you were very young for an auror but already have been through more than some of the older ones ever experienced.

"Poor sweetheart, you've been through a lot" she gently brushed your cheek in a motherly gesture and went further onto her duties, automatically looking up at Graves on the way.

She met his dark eyes, gazing at her with a sense of disorientation and fear.


	5. The deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival Graves wakes up in hospital bed after being in and out of consciousness for a very long time, uncertain of what he knows as reality.

Graves woke up to a pounding headache but didn't open his eyes just yet, his mind was too foggy to do anything. Not being able to work out if it was just a dream or reality, he waited a bit, overwhelmed by the feeling of finally laying down. He felt confused, he didn't know what happened. His life for the past month was being in and out of consciousness while being held captive by Grindelwald; the overwhelming pain that his body was in and questions, endless questions which he would refuse to answer. The last thing he remembered was being sure he was about to die, and then someone screaming, screaming in agony.

Then falling.

Then only darkness.

Was that real? Was this what really has happened? All the memories seemed like a blur, there had been only pain that has been accompanying him. Relentless, crushing, overwhelming, taking away the will to live. Was this another one of Grindelwald's tricks? Did he set him free only to get something more than he already did?

"Poor sweetheart, you've been through a lot." Alarms went off in his head and he went on on full alert once he heard the female voice. His eyes shot open only to see an older woman in a nurse apron staring back at him. She got startled, dropped the papers she had in hand and covered her mouth, speechless. Before she could do anything, the man sprang out of the other side of the bed in panic. He forgot about injuries, pain, everything, the shock has taken over him. He fell to the ground, unused to movement, his limbs stiff and wounds being healed just recently. A grunt escaped his lips, moaning followed as he was trying to collect himself.

"Mr Graves, sir, you're awake!" Martha rushed around the bed, now being between Percival and the exit, approaching him slowly. She was looking at him in surprise and worry. The man looked up at her weakly, eyes wide open. He was visibly confused and in shock.

"No. No, no, no... " he was barely holding himself up on his arms while trying to stand up from lying on his stomach. He coughed abruptly, when taking the hand from his mouth, blood was splattered on the skin. "This is impossible...."

Martha slowed down, seeing in how deep of a shock he was. She held her palms in front of her in a calming manner, showing that she didn't have bad intentions. A gentle smile appeared on her lips, she was trying to seem as harmless and trustworthy as possible so that he would listen to her.

"I know you must be in shock right now." she said quietly and gently" Everything's alright. You're safe at MACUSA. Let us help you."

"Don't come any closer!" It seemed like Graves wanted to shout but all he managed to do was say the warning in a bit louder voice than before. He knew he was weak, he didn't know what was true, he didn't know what was trustworthy. He continued to lift himself up, even if it brought only more pain, even if it would have been easier with help from the nurse. He would have wanted to know what was going on, how he ended up there, what has happened to Grindelwald, how did everything change when he was gone, if everyone was safe.

Would have wanted.

All he could think about was to get up, to get away, to be alone... Alone? He didn't want to be left again, like in that apartment, slowly bleeding his life away. Helpless. Abandoned. Hopeless.

His head was pounding, the higher he managed to get, the dizzier he became. The world was spinning round, making it harder to keep balance. The voices were muffled, as if they came from behind a very thick cloth.

Martha looked at (Y/N) quickly, not sure if she woke up just yet or not, not sure if it would be a good idea for her to be a part of these events. Fortunately she seemed to still be sleeping, too exhausted to react. The old nurse looked back at Graves.

"I won't, see? I'm standing right here. Just please, calm down. You're hurting yourself." Martha said in a slow and calming manner, as if she was talking to a child. She was standing in place now, about one-two meters away from Percival, but she was ready to react fast if necessary.

The man was picking himself up slowly, carefully, putting a hand on the bed and lifting himself up once he could. He felt enormous pain going through his limbs and grunted, almost dropping back to the ground, soon, however, he was leaning on both his hands against the bed and stayed in that position. He was breathing heavily, trying to focus his sight on what was in front of him. That happened to be a person half-lying on the bed, her hair scattered on the covers so that the face was covered. Graves knit his eyebrows at the sight, looking around more, as much as his dizziness allowed him. The room was small, too small to his liking. He closed his eyes and started repeating in his mind that he has to get out, get away, make sure it's all either next vision or real. He casted the first spell that came to his mind, Revelio. He opened his eyes and looked around sloppily, nothing seemed to change but it didn't mean that it was true.

"Look at me and sit down, okay?" Martha spoke to the man softly, which brought his attention from scanning the room to her for a split second. He looked forward again and started shaking his head, chuckling nervously.

"No, this is not real. It cannot be." He looked down at his hands for the first time and with fear realised that they were almost completely healed, no scars from the magical chains were visible. There were only some signs of many injuries left, much less than there were supposed to. His eyes went wide open in shock, he started shaking his head and got up completely, holding his hands up and inspecting them in disbelief.

"No! No, no, no, he's in my head again..." Graves looked around, seemingly like a madman, searching for something, escape, answers, stability, just anything. All this seemed too familiar but too real at the same time. All of the hallucinations induced by Grindelwald felt like that but had something dreamlike about them but this one exceeded all the previous ones in how real it was. A quiet voice in his head was telling him that it's no vision at all, that it's true, he's safe. But his tired and strained mind could not accept it so easily, not after everything that happened.

"Look at me... breathe..." seeing that he was beginning to have a panic attack, the nurse decided to walk up to him again. She slowly reached with her hand towards him, supporting him at the exact moment he stumbled back and was about to lose balance. "Everything is fine now. No one will hurt you. Look, I'm putting my wand away, see?" she quickly took the wand out of the pocket of the apron and threw it on the furthest end of the bed. Not being pushed away, she put her second hand on his shoulder and gently led him to sit down at the edge of the bed. The man still seemed shaken, though not as much as before, at least allowing Martha in.

"What happened?" after a few minutes Graves finally asked in a low voice. His mind cleared a bit and he could think a little more straight than before, although he was now stopping panic from submerging him, but that could change very easily and Martha knew it very well. It was clear how shaken he was and she needed to choose her words very carefully in order to calm him, not make even more distrusting.

"You were brought here in an awful state, sir, dying. The healers managed to stabilise you and you've been in a coma for about a week. The one who captured you is now answering for his crimes." she specifically chose not to use Grindelwald's name, unsure what Graves' response might be. Percival put both thumbs to his lips and lowered his head after a moment so that the fingertips were now touching the forehead. He looked up again. That was some information to process and it felt like he had to be ready for more.

Suddenly the girl lying on the bed behind them groaned lightly, at the sound of which Graves shot up immediately and turned around. He got dizzy again but fought it, staying on alert. Martha turned around to see the girl slowly lifting herself up, awake. She also noticed the bruises on her arms that were not there just a few moment ago.

"Miss (L/N), you're awake!" she said softly.

Graves suddenly felt his legs giving in and he fell to his knees. He had an expression of horror on his face, suddenly going back again to not believing anything he's seeing. He wanted to but he had seen it with his own eyes. At least he thought so. He covered his mouth with his hand and pulled it down to his chin.

"(Y/N)...? But I... I saw you dying...". Martha tuned her gaze to him in surprise. She saw a shell of a man, broken, so unlike the person she's seen walking down the halls of MACUSA. She dared not imagine what Grindelwald must have done to him to leave him in such horrible state.

The girl sat in the chair and stretched a bit, sleeping in that position did not make a great way for getting comfortable rest. She was still a bit sleepy when she opened her eyes but when she saw that there was no one in the bed, her eyes went wide open and she was awake at once. She shot up from the seat and looked around frantically but spotted Martha sitting on the bed in front of her immediately, and behind her kneeling on the floor...

"Percy..." without hesitation (Y/N) swiped her legs on the bed and in a swift move was on the other side of it, she dropped to the ground in front of him and put her arms around his neck, hugging him lightly, beginning to sob. "Percy, you woke up!" she managed to say softly. A sense of relief washed over her, everything was okay now, he was awake, he was alive.

She was overtaken by emotions but Graves stood still, paralysed in shock.

"I... You died." were the words he managed to get out. She pulled away and knitted her eyebrows at him, not understanding what he was saying, if he knew what he was saying.

"Died? No, no, I'm right here, I'm alright, everything's fine, Percy, everything's okay." Even despite the sudden confusion she smiled at him gently, trying to reassure him. (Y/N) had no idea what he was talking about. In all the emotions she forgot she was not supposed to call him Percy, not here, but she didn't realise it at all. The man she secretly loved was okay and awake and she couldn't stop herself, even if it seemed extremely unprofessional.

Percival stared at her. All the pain from seeing her dying in front of him was coming back and it was not helping at all that her arms and visible parts of skin were now marked with bruises, some scars and minor injuries.

He broke down.

Unconsciously, he reached with his hands around her, one on her side and the other one reaching to the back of her head and hugged her tightly, not believing what he was just doing and seeing but refusing to let go.

Grindelwald had discovered that Graves had been very close with (Y/N), more than with anyone, and that he had cared for her. There had been nothing stopping him from using it against Percival to get him to talk.

**FLASHBACK**

**Evening of the day (Y/N) arrives**

"You have not told me anything about Miss (L/N)"Grindelwald stated while pulling himself a chair, front back, sitting on it astride and leaning forward on it. Percival was strangled to the wall by handcuffs, his knees centimetres from the ground so that he was in a very straining and uncomfortable position. He was already beaten up pretty badly, but conscious and awake. His ribs were definitely broken, which was causing him to cough up blood every now and then. A cut above his left eyebrow left his eye blinded with blood soaking down his face; and those were just some of the injuries he had suffered. But he refused to be broken, refused to bend to that maniac's will, to be a source of any information.

"What about her?" he murmured, not looking up as it was too much effort and pain. He sounded disinterested but inside he was uneasy about what he would hear, about why Grindelwald was asking about her.

"You never mentioned her. And apparently you have a history, anything I should know? Other than what I already know from the reports?" There was a threat in his voice, a threat that shouldn't be taken lightly. Graves could hear that Grindelwald was smirking as well, that he was enjoying their little meeting. But the prisoner remained silent, refusing to give any answer. "Now, now, no need to be so shy, we've known each other for such a long time." Gellert said in a dismissive tone, standing up and slowly walking towards him. He stopped right beside Graves, bent down a bit and grabbed him by the chin, forcing him to look up.

"You still don't get it? I will take the informations from you one way or another. It can be easy or very painful, it's up to you, really." Percival kept looking down, not making the eye contact with his oppressor until he violently pushed his head back down. The auror breathed heavily. "Very well then, you want it the hard way" Grindelwald rolled his sleeves up and took out his, well, Percival's, wand.

A second later enormous pain went through Graves' body, he tensed up, shut his eyes and began struggling for breath while keeping himself from screaming.

He has gotten used to it. The tortures.

It was always just a matter of time before Grindelwald was to come to him and ask questions vital to keep the charade up and, as always, the auror was refusing to answer and kept his mind blockade at all times, even if that had led him to pass out. He was strong, he would not be broken that easily. He kept telling it to himself, no matter what, he would not help Grindelwald, he would not break, not show anything, waiting for the right time to escape and hoping someone would realise something was wrong. However, it's been weeks already and no one seemed to notice.

Suddenly the pain stopped. The tenseness in his whole body eased, leaving him flabby, hanging by handcuffs and panting heavily, face covered in sweat and hair getting in front of his eyes.

"Let's try again, shall we? What should I know about her." he demanded, looking at Graves from above expectantly.

"Do you really think... I will tell you... anything?" he managed to pant between the deep breaths. He spit out the blood collecting in his mouth.

"If you want her to be safe you will. Apparently she's the only one you meet on a regular basis, dare I assume? But I don't have to. I can see it from the way she looks at me that you are close, the only one who has warmth in her eyes while looking at you. That, however, is quite dangerous for me. Everyone keeps their distance and does not know you well enough but her.. that could be trouble." Graves chuckled inside at that statement, of course she would notice, after all she was the only person he let in. However, the first sentence made him preoccupied. He remained silent.

"No answer? Well then, I guess she's not that important at all, I can get rid of her without any problems and claim it as just another accident." Grindelwald said playfully and lightly, obviously introducing it as a trap. Graves was keeping his cool when it came to refusing to answer but all the time spent here, tortured, alone, hurting, has made him vulnerable to the emotional traps as his mind was not processing it that fast anymore, not recognising baits.

"Don't you dare..." he threatened while looking up, staring right into his oppressor's eyes. And the wizard just smiled, like this was exactly what he had wanted, like this was exactly what he had expected. He shook his head in an exaggerated and overdramatic way, looking at him pitiful.

"Well, well, so she is important after all? I wouldn't have thought."Grindelwald stated irreverently, accentuating the word "is", while walking up to Graves' left side and crouching beside him again. "That gives me something to work with. I will get you to talk one way or another. I will break you." he whispered and shivers went down the auror's spine.

Then the tortures began and lasted until Graves passed out from pain, kneeling in the puddle of his own blood.

He was in and out of consciousness, not knowing where he was, what time it was, how many days have passed. The sleep has been a blessing, but the dreams and reality were blending together. He had no idea whether next visits from Grindelwald were in fact real, or if he had just imagined it. Everything seemed like a blur. He could swear at one point the building had been on fire and he had been choking on the smoke, while a second later it all vanished and he was just alone in the dark room, coughing on non-existing toxins. It had been happening over and over again, these visions, these hallucinations that kept haunting him. Nothing was certain for him at this point.

The only constants were pain and weakness.

One of the only memories that had burnt in his mind was from that feral day when Grindelwald brought another person with him. However, Percival at this point could barely look up, it was too much effort. He didn't know who the other person was and had no strength to bother. Probably another bait to make him talk.

"Still refusing to tell me anything?" Grindelwald questioned him while throwing the person to the ground in front of Percival. They were unconscious. Gellert bent down and grabbed their hair, lifting their face.

Fear has overtaken the auror as he realised who it was.

"(Y/N)... Why?" he looked up at the man standing above him, scared that he already knew the answer. He just smiled devilishly.

"She was giving me too much trouble, so I thought I could use her in a different way... " he remarked and dropped her head, which met a floor with a dull thud. „It's very simple, really. Each question you refuse to answer, she takes what would be meant for you. And trust me, she was a fiery one, I already had to fight her quite a lot. I wouldn't count she can survive much more." Graves started to panic. It was okay when he was the one tortured but not her. Not her. Even if they were both trained as aurors, ignoring personal factors and getting the job done, not giving in to torture, he wasn't eager to let her suffer because of him and his naivety in Europe.

"I am still not telling you anything." he stated blankly looking forward, not trusting his own voice as he said those words, professionalism taking over emotions.

"No, you're not, not now at least. When I'm done you will sing."

And he was. Grindelwald began to torture the girl, making her scream in an incredible pain, at which Graves started pleading him to not do it, realising how important she was to him. How he was ready to take it all on him just so that she wouldn't suffer. And so it all stopped and he reluctantly started telling him small things but keeping in mind to hide the vital MACUSA secrets, tell just enough to make Grindelwald satisfied but uninformed. And he seemed quite pleased about it, listening closely. He was in his normal form but as Graves was coming to the end of talking, he changed to look like him again.

"I told you what you wanted. Now let her go."

"I'm afraid it doesn't work this way, right sweetheart?" he lifted the girl in his arms, snapping fingers and making her wake up. "She just, how to say it... would give out too much. So the only way is to..."

"No." Graves didn't let him finish. "Don't you dare." he hissed slowly in a low voice.

"I wonder how it will make you feel when the last face she sees is yours. The face of a person who killed her." And with that he turned back to the now confused girl, smiling to her. Before she could say anything, green light came from his wand towards her and she went limp.

He dropped her lifeless body to the ground.

Graves shrieked and tried to break away from the chains, which were just sinking deeper into his skin.

After that he did not care anymore, he started provoking Grindelwald, scoffing, taunting him. But he would not say anything that he wanted to hear. Soon he was so beaten up that there were only small breaks when he was regaining consciousness, barely kept alive by the magical chains.

That was until he heard like through a fog a woman screaming and then himself being dropped to the ground, hands finally free but he lost feeling in them after so many weeks of being hung up.

After that there was only darkness.


	6. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival woke up with you beside him but neither of you are really well enough to get what's going on at the moment. More questions arise.

"Died? No, no, I'm right here, I'm alright, everything's fine, Percy, everything's okay." You were completely confused by his words but reacted immediately, reassuring him there was nothing to worry about. Your head, however, was filled with questions and worry, only now could you see the state he was in and it made you want to cry.

He just stared at you, your arms around him, holding him as if you were afraid he was about to fade away. His face expressed so many different emotions, you could see confusion, surprise, some kind of relief and most importantly: pain. He looked down at your hands for a moment and his eyes went wide, you followed his sight and glanced quickly as well.

Shit.

You had casted a covering spell on yourself earlier on the moment you've seen that you had more bruises and wounds than you had thought. As Percival's well-being has been the most important to you, you had not wanted to focus any more attention on yourself than you already had, not wanting to risk being sent away and forbidden from watching over him. You knew you would not have been able to stand the insecurity regarding his state, if he has woken up confused and in shock or not. Something inside you just was pulling towards him, making it impossible for you to leave his side, like a magnet. From the moment you found him you have felt responsible for bringing him back and making him recover, this was way more important for you than your own recovery. You kept telling yourself that what you've been through wasn't nearly as bad as the hell that Percival must have been in. However, what you didn't realise was that you were clinging onto taking care of him as if you were about to sink, him being your safety. Unknowingly, you were afraid of being alone, afraid of Grindelwald coming back and you subconsciously knew that if you were to be alone in your office, you'd not stand the tension and want to run back down to make sure that Percy was still Percy. You really did prefer working beside him peacefully asleep, rather than face the world and be the one to pity.

Suddenly you felt two arms being put around you, with one of the arms going around behind your neck and the second hand on your back. It took you by surprise that Graves pulled you close to him and stayed with you in that position for a longer while. Feeling he needed it and wanting it so desperately, you hugged him back, wrapping your arms around his chest. At once, the big and strong posture of the man in front of you dropped a bit, broken, relying on you, on your own strength to support him in that moment. You could feel warmth of his breath on your neck when he put his head on your shoulder and just held you as closely as he could. His breath was short and shallow, but with every passing moment it was beginning to calm down, steady itself.

"You're safe. You're safe, that's all that matters..." you whispered softly, in a slow and calming manner and embraced him tighter, giving him all the time needed to calm down, to gather strength. He used to be so strong. Stoic. Mysterious. But Grindelwald has taken it away. What once was normal will be no more, not in the same sense. It was a bittersweet moment. A part of you wanted to cry and laugh with happiness that everything will be fine, that Graves is alive, that he has woken up and now nothing is standing in the way of his recovery. But another part was about to break down, heavy with the knowledge about how broken the man you admired really was, hurting because of how much psychological and physical damage has been done to him. And wondering whether he'd treat you the same or not, the idea of him pushing away everyone, even you, frightening to the bone. But you didn't do anything, conflicted.

Instead, you waited patiently until your friend collects himself, until he believed that everything really was okay, that this was the reality. Your heart was aching for him, you never ever wanted to see him in this state again. All of your friends knew but you didn't want to acknowledge it, pushing it completely away, that you cared for him more than you should. That you'd do almost anything so that he'd not have had to be in pain. That you loved him.

Seemed impossible, right? That someone could love the quiet, always secretive, always alone man. Most women were attracted to him, that's true, but it was mostly physical. They were actually intimately by him, scared even. But he let you in. He relied on you. And behind that mask of mystery, of silence, of charisma, was a gentle, well-mannered and intelligent man, confident in what he does, strong in his beliefs. You've seen that and you adored him for all of it.

Yet seeing him almost die in your arms and now awaken again had made it impossible to suppress emotions like the usual, despite being used to doing it unconsciously. Still, you may have been the dumbest person in recognising love and would not name it as such. Even if Queenie sometimes slipped and was talking about it, you'd shoot her a death glare and deny everything.

Graves finally pulled away after a longer moment, collecting himself a bit and looking back into your eyes once he could. He looked a bit better, more focused and determined, more like himself again. Weak but himself. Both of you were still on the ground close to each other, tears started to come to your eyes again upon seeing Percival in a better state. He was always protecting all of the magical community, has devoted his life to make the world a safe space for wizards. But no one was really protecting him, he just always stood alone, facing the dangers as the first one. You suddenly realised you've never seen him taking a break for all these years.

You gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand gently, trying to give him a little bit of reassurance. He answered with a small smirk, it didn't reach his eyes but it was already a good sign. He kept his gaze on you as if he was studying all the details on your face. You didn't mind. Not until you've noticed a slight concern and disappointment in his eyes. Before you could ask or say anything, he gently grabbed your wrist and lifted your hand a bit, showing your forearm full with bruises, injuries and cuts. His dark, piercing eyes have not lifted from your (eye colour) ones.

"How long have you been covering that?" he whispered forcefully, his voice hoarse. You turned your eyes away from him and quickly teared your hand away from him and put the sleeves of your shirt down, getting the attention away from it.

"How are you? You can move freely, right? Nothing was really damaged?" you asked while getting busy with checking on him, avoiding looking at him as much as you could. If he was back to his old self, he might start nagging you about it, even more if he were to discover what risky magic you performed. You still didn't really know whether it had any further consequences or not, only time would show that.

"Ekhem" Martha's nagging voice has snapped you both back to reality. You stood up as fast as you could and dusted off your skirt, Graves remaining on the ground for a bit longer and following your steps, although not as fast. You suddenly got really self conscious about everything that had happened. How you have called him Percy when literally no one was doing that. How he has broken down but collected himself, even if just a little bit.

"Wait. You said I... died. What do you mean?" The realisation hit you, confusion brought with it. Died? You were perfectly fine in some sense and although you could not remember everything from when you were under cruciatus, you were almost sure there was no way you could have been near death. You would have remembered that, right?

A barely noticeable pained expression has taken over Percival's features, at sight of which you immediately regretted asking. Martha gave you a nagging look and you just looked down, suddenly not knowing what to do with yourself. This was not meant to make him upset, no, no, anything but that. You wanted to help him so so badly but realised now jumping with everything at once was not a good idea. He was in shock and needed time to recover and however much it hurt you to see him like this, there was little you were able to say to help it. You felt like you may have overstepped your boundaries already. Waking up barely a moment before did not help with thinking before doing as well, just purely acting on emotions.

"Martha, I'll go and finish all the paperwork. Mr Graves, please get well soon." Every single word felt like a dagger to your heart. The second sentence was the hardest to get out but you also said it in the softest and kindest manner that you have ever said anything to him.

You quickly and quietly took your leave from the room that you have been refusing to abandon for so long, not looking back. Stopping a few meters from the room, you leaned with your back against the wall and slowly slid to the ground. Tears were streaming down your face, you were unable to control your emotions anymore. Why did you do this? Why did you ask him that? Why did you just storm off when you wanted to see him, talk with him so badly? To make sure he was still okay? And what more, you realised now that you have left all the papers in the room, not taking any of them with you. And the ones that you must have left on your lap when you fell asleep were moved somewhere else as well. Now you have felt like a complete idiot.

What did you expect? That he would wake up and be himself, unscratched, untouched by all these weeks? That he would feel the same way about you as you did about him, wanting to protect him and not want to see him hurt at all cost? That he would tell you to stay after announcing you had to finish the job?

What did you expect, exactly?

You didn't know.

You wiped the tears off and stood up slowly. This was not you. You were not the one to cry so easily and yet the emotions have taken over you. It must have been sleep depravation and stress. That must have been it. But why did it hurt so so bad? He didn't say he wanted you out, hell, he even literally grabbed your hand and asked about the injuries. His touch could still be felt and your skin burnt in this very spot.

"I'm such an idiot." You shook your head and chuckled bitterly. He would probably nag you for disregarding your duties as one of the higher positioned aurors. Duty above everything, that was the way everything went, even for you.

Still, you were unsure whether you should come back or not, troubled with the decision. It would be awkward to just enter the room again when you have left in such a way, but then again the cause of your leave was still inside. A quick thought about using Accio crossed your mind but the painful memory of your wand being broken quickly overshadowed the idea. With a sigh, you made a decision to go and get at least the new wand. You honestly should have done it the moment you have gathered more strength and recovered a bit, but the worry had taken over you. It seemed silly now that you wanted to protect Percival while not even having a wand at your disposal.

Hundreds of thoughts were going through your mind while you were crossing the next halls at MACUSA, slowly reaching the front door. He hugged you. He relied on you. What did that mean? Did it even mean anything and was not just a result of shock and reaching for someone he knew and trusted? Or was it just because he thought you were dead? Why did he think that? Why would you be dead...? There were so many of them but they were to go unanswered for a bit more time.

Finally, you have reached the exit. The outside world and the people at MACUSA were of no importance to you, you treated them as if they were air. That was until you stepped out, the cold wind blowing in every single hole of your clothing and the pouring rain making it even worse. With just a shirt and knee-length skirt you had very little protection against the elements, so you soon started trembling as the cold was getting to you. You started noticing the surroundings, being forced to get out of your head and focus on the task ahead: get the wand. Fortunately, you had a wallet on you at all times, being safely hidden in a skirt pocket along with your auror ID. Not caring about your appearance, you ran towards the store which was not that far away, hoping that once you reach it you could just quickly get the new wand and use apparate to go to your apartment and change, get a hot shower maybe.

Soon you were opening the door to an elegant but little store with wands everywhere-some on nicely organised displays, many on shelves, categorised by material they were made out of and their length. The songbird sang a happy melody as the announcement of a new guest. It has been a while since making an appearance there but you knew that you could get a wand suitable for you as they had a variation from different American wandmakers.

"Welcome, welcome!" an old woman's voice could be heard coming from the room behind the counter and soon a chubby figure with smile across her face stepped outside to greet you. She had a wide orange dress on with a brown apron going over it. Her brown and white hair was neatly collected at the back of her head and kept in place by some golden jewellery. She had a motherly aura around her, something that made you feel a little bit better. Upon seeing your state, she frown and started shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, no, no, sweetheart, you shouldn't be going out like this! The weather is far too cold right now, and that pouring rain! Why didn't you protect yourself?" she took out her wand and with a swift movement of the wrist she casted a drying spell on you. Soon an enjoyable warmth was spreading to your limbs and raising your spirits a bit. It's been a long time since you were taking a part in normal everyday life and you had to get used to it again.

"I don't have a wand..." you answered rather shyly, taking a look around the place to see if something was to catch your attention. You always admired the intricate carving of Bauvais' wands so your sight immediately shot at a couple of them at display.

"You don't have a wand? How come?"

"Accident at work." Upon hearing your answer, the shopkeeper just shook her head in disapproval and a mumble younglings these days, they treat wands like toys could be heard from her as she went back to a brightly lighted area by the counter and motioned you to follow. Once you did and stopped in front of her, she took out a small pair of glasses and wrinkling her nose and squinting a bit started ogling you carefully.

"Let me have a look at you to know where to start... Oh, what happened to you, darling? Something terrible, terrible..." You took a step back in shock and the chubby shopkeeper immediately stopped and open her eyes wide, as if snapped back to reality after becoming aware of how much impact her words had on you. "Don't listen to me, dear, I footle sometimes. Now such a pretty soul should have a pretty and powerful wand, don't you think?"

The woman proceeded to go with you around the store and try out different wands until settling on a sleek and long mahogany wand of Quintana's design, with a raw blue quartz somehow embedded at the end of the grip, in a wooden cage surrounding it and holding in place. You liked it much better than your simple last one, if you were to be honest, and the instant connection with it made you more certain of yourself. You came to the counter after the woman to pay for it when you spotted a copy of the New York Ghost with Grindelwald's picture on the front page. The sight of him sent chills down your spine. The only circumstance you wanted to see him again in was when he was dead or being judged for his crimes.

Out of curiosity, you flipped the pages. The picture that was there was so captivating that it was impossible to look away. You were on that picture, along with Percival in your arms, in front of MACUSA. Both of you have fainted and until now you had no idea how bad was your state then. Most of your clothes seemed to have been soaked in blood and even despite the picture being black and white, it was clearly visible how pale you were. Only now the extent of Percival's injuries were visible as you looked at the picture of your own body after performing the enchantment. It did not look good. Neither of you did. How much pain did he survive?

The woman must have noticed how captivated by the picture you were because she came over and looked at it as well. She opened her eyes wide and was looking from the picture to you and to the picture again.

"Oh, darling, are you okay?" She asked worrisome, putting a hand on your shoulder. You just nodded, scared that your voice would betray you, but unable to get your eyes off the picture. You needed to go back. As soon as possible. Without a word, you reached for the wallet to your skirt, but the shopkeeper just put her hand over yours and stopped you.

"It's alright, this one will be on me. Just take care of yourself. You should take some rest. Please." She pressured while looking at you with concern. You just nodded as the answer, too tired to argue and just made a note to yourself to send her the money over later. With a new wand, you disapparated and apparated at your office, but were thrown on a bookshelf. This was not going good. Maybe you did need some proper rest. But first you wanted to throw yourself into work to forget everything that was troubling you and just come down to check on Percival later.


	7. Better?

You were reading through the recent cases for what seemed like weeks, ordering some coffee every now and then, relying on caffeine as your main driving force. The exhaustion was getting to you but you were perfectly aware that once asleep, the nightmares will come. That was the last thing you wanted. Falling asleep at work only happened to you once in those couple of days that have passed since Percival waking up and you wished you could forget all the images your mind was putting you through. When you had woken up you had been covered in sweat, tears have been coming down your cheeks, you could barely breathe. All this time you have remained in your office, completely oblivious to the normal working hours or to the fact that you had an apartment where you could rest. The very thought of leaving was so unsettling, throwing yourself to the endless work cycle seemed like a much better idea. At least this way keeping the mind busy and focused on important things was an option.   
And you could always be with Percy in a matter of minutes if something happened.

The documents regarding security were already checked and divided according to certainty of them, now you just needed to look over all questionable points in person to be sure that it was exactly how it was written down and search for the holes. You took a deep breath and put your face in your hands, resting the elbows on the table. This was hard. Working and keeping your mind occupied was hard. There was nothing you would have liked more than a peaceful and long sleep but unfortunately it was either horrific nightmares or no rest at all. The fact that for the past days you did not allow yourself to rest from everything you've been through, taking care of Percival and putting yourself to work instead, didn't help at all. You could feel the exhaustion, your mind was working slower than usually, but you couldn't care less. You barely even realised the state you were in at all.

To be honest, the work made you calm down and clear your mind a bit, you were no longer as shaken up as when you went to get a new wand. After all, if Grindelwald couldn't really break you, barely anything will. Why would you make yourself look miserable and shaken up? For the others to pity you? Apart from the nightmares and constant worry about Graves, you were actually fine. This was the time to have double the strength so that your friend could rely on you, instead of being a whimsical damsel in distress. That was definitely not you. The stressful and dangerous time was over and it completely drained your energy, you felt more stable now that everything was more or less taken care of. Well, maybe you were not really fine, but you were as close to normal as possible with everything that has happened. If you didn't think about Graves in the pool of blood, his shallow breathing and then the fear of him dying in your arms...

You shook your head to make the images go away. The cold fear was reaching for your heart as if it was happening again, the sooner you shook all of it off, the better. Graves... was he alright? You had ran so fast and hadn't come back, you had no idea how he was now that the first shock was over. Was he doing better? Or was he still in disbelief regarding where he was and that everything was completely fine? What did he mean with your death?

You took a deep breath and reached for the pile of files which stated the security holes to go and check on them. There were only three, which had made your job easier and didn't make the whole MACUSA seem like a joke when it comes to protection of workers and information. Still, those were whole three possible breaches, which never should have taken place. You were settled on finding out what or who was responsible for that. The thought of even a possibility of having a traitor working there sent a shiver down your spine.

You stood up but suddenly everything went black for you. Your hands reached to the table to support hold onto and wait until your mind adjusted to the change of positions. This was not happening for the first time, you have gotten quite used to it in the past few days. It has taken half a minute to pass and you were finally ready to go. Your whole body was aching, partly from the uncomfortable position behind the desk, but mostly due to still not properly healed injuries that you didn't take care of. The pulsating pain in your leg was constant, your chest has gotten a bit better but you still could feel little stings when breathing a bit deeper. You barely noticed it, though, your mind was set on the job. The worry about Graves was lingering in the back. If you were better already, psychologically, he could be a bit better as well. You hesitated for a moment, feeling embarrassed by how you left, but the longer you did not come back, the more awkward it would get. After putting the reports back down on the table your hand went through your hair nervously. Just when you did that you felt that you could probably use a shower, the work has swollen you whole and such a trivial thing had not gone through your mind. It would do you good to refresh yourself after everything, going to the hospital wing a little bit later wouldn't hurt either. 

You went out of your office in a rushed pace, quickly reaching the exit and going to one of the alleys to disapparate into your own home, protected by spells from unwanted entrances. Only you, Tina, Queenie and Percival had the magic lifted off for entrance. It was your way of guaranteeing quick escape for everyone you cared about, a hiding place and help in case you were not around to help them personally.

Upon appearing in your home, you lost your balance and tripped forward, into the sofa. You calmed your breath and stood up after a second. You must have been very tired, apparition from standing position was usually without such results.

It was a comfortable apartment, with two rooms- a bedroom with queen sized bed, bookshelves and wardrobe; and a living room with a built-in kitchen, sofa and much more space. There were canvases laying by the walls, watercolour block and paint were scattered on the table and a half-finished painting of New York at night was still on the easel in the corner, just how you left it. A sudden warmth spread in your heart, you did not think about your little studio at all in the past days. You definitely will come back here as soon as you were done with work to rest from all the chaos that your life has been lately and relax with a brush in hand, listening to your favourite music and wearing comfortable rather than official clothes.

"It seems like it's been ages since I slept in my own bed..." you muttered to yourself while putting your purse down, and throwing the coat on the sofa. You stretched a bit, only now feeling the back pain from all these hours spent sitting by the table and analysing reports.

You went to the bathtub almost immediately after coming home, burying yourself in the hot water and relaxing. A private moment away from the office felt so nice and comfortable you stayed there for a while.

After the bath you tucked yourself in a soft bathrobe, made some tea and sat by the table, painting some simple objects while enjoying the quiet. It seemed so unrealistically peaceful it was almost unbelievable. The sounds on the streets were barely noticeable as the apartment was in one of the quieter and less busy areas in the town, balancing the rent and proximity to MACUSA perfectly. The only minus was that going back at night has not been exactly comfortable as there were many different types of people on the streets at late hours. The cons of living on a quieter street as a woman.

You put on a comfortable pair of wide-legged and high-waisted pants, along with a loose white shirt (title picture at the beginning). Office wear was not really appealing to you at that moment, especially heels. They made walking harder for you and it was almost impossible to hide the pain. With hair still wet, you collected your things, put on a coat and left home, deciding to walk to MACUSA instead of using magic to have a bit of fresh air. You knew the way perfectly well so it wouldn't take you that long to reach it.

Soon enough you were in front of the building, ready to go inside and visit your friend. Taking a deep breath, you walked up the stairs and entered, quickly avoiding people and turning your steps towards hospital wing. You still didn't feel comfortable enough around the others so you were forcing yourself to hold your head high and put on a mask of ignorance and being focused. In heart, you were worried and scared what people's reactions would be and you never ever wanted to seem broken in front of them. Your position was too high to appear weak, You had to stay strong and fake it till you believed it and it became real, that you were fine. The sense of ease fell on you once you entered the elevator had told the house elf your destination. He looked at you up and down but didn't say anything and just proceeded with taking you there, which was quite uncommon. He never failed to make some kind of remark, you brushed it off, though. When the lift started, you quickly had to reach and support yourself on the wall to regain your balance, although the ride was actually quite gentle.

Only a couple of minutes later you were standing in front of the door to Percival's room. Your hand stopped right when you were about to knock. A sudden sense of insecurity and embarrassment have taken you over. What if he was sleeping? What if he was still in shock and seeing you would cause him to freak out like last time? Was he still well and awake or did he fall back to coma? Was it even okay to go see him now? You were incredibly worried.

Before you could react, the doors have opened and you got scared by Martha stopping right in front of you in surprise. Your eyes went wide and you quickly put your hand down.

"Miss [L/N]? What has brought you here?" the nurse asked, still in shock.

"I... well..." you couldn't make up anything on the spot, she took you by surprise. The older woman got over the sudden encounter and put the hand on your shoulder in a motherly gesture.

"Everything's alright. Mr Graves is resting and feeling much better but you have to wait a bit till..."

"Let her in" now stronger voice of Percival has interrupted Martha. Both of you turned to look at him, Martha completely surprised by him getting in the middle of what she was saying.

"Of course, Mr Graves. However, the doctor advised you to take things slowly for now and not strain yourself before..."

"Yes, I know. Now please, move aside and let Ms [L/N] in".

Martha did as he asked and moved aside, letting you in and giving you a warm smile as she left and went down the hall. You looked at her for a bit until you were sure she disappeared and slowly took a step in, with your eyes still glued to the nurse. Only when you entered and closed the door you looked at Percival.

The man was sitting with his back against the head of the bed, covered and resting comfortably. He was studying you carefully and suddenly you became very aware of what you were wearing and that it was not necessarily office-appropriate. You had no idea what to do. On one hand you were incredibly happy and relieved that he was doing better but on the second insecure how you should act around him. You slowly walked over and stopped an awkward meter from the bed, not knowing what to do with yourself or what to say. The memory of him hugging you and the warmth of his breath on your neck flashed on the back of your mind and made you feel even more awkward. You turned your sight away from Percival's eyes and looked around a bit, your sight landing on the papers put neatly on the table by his pillow. You recognised those files immediately and your eyes went wide open.

"Did you by any chance..."

"Read them? Yes, I did after I... adjusted. You seem to have forgotten about them." Graves was looking at you intensely as if he was looking out for the slightest sign of reaction from your side. You smiled nervously and came closer to the bed, sitting on the chair that was put right next to it. Now that the silence has been broken you have regained the confidence to speak again and decided to change the subject immediately, as it wasn't pleasurable for neither of you to remember.

"How are you, Percy? I'm so sorry I went out of here so suddenly. Are you alright?" You looked at him with worry. He seemed more like himself but at the same time not quite. His beard was shaven and the way it used to be, he got some colour on his face and the look in his eyes seemed more focused and direct, not as dangerously piercing and intimidating as before yet, but more secure than before. Percival looked at you in an ambiguous manner, the unpredictability of how this meeting will go making you feel unsettled.

"I'm as good as I can be, if I were to be honest" he sighed and turned his gaze forward. A shadow covered his face and the man suddenly seemed like he was deep in thoughts, and they were not the nice ones. The silence lasted a good moment, you had no will to break it as you were worried for your friend and knew that you should not push anything on him. His state was unknown to you and unaware of what could trigger him, you preferred not to take your chances.

"How much did he use me?" Graves said quietly, solemnly. You furrowed your eyebrows at the question.

"I... not much. I mean, I was working around him ever since I got back so I know only what was happening here. But he was barely leaving the office so, well" you got flustered. The topic was no better than as if you were discussing the rescue and what Grindelwald has put you both through. You have managed to avoid talking about what has happened until now, the only person knowing being Queenie, along with putting it all on paper in the report. But this was the first time you had to tell someone, verbally, about what has happened. Going in details was the last thing you wanted to do. You could feel a knot forming in your stomach.

You looked over at Percival and he didn't seem thrilled about the topic either. You changed your position a bit so that you were now sitting on the edge of the chair. Although his face was a mask, his eyes have given him out a bit. You weren't exactly sure what he was thinking about but you highly doubted it was something positive.

"Percy, hey." you said with the gentlest voice possible. "Everything's alright, okay? It's over, everyone's okay." you unconsciously reached for his hand but stopped right before you could reach him, realising that you had no idea how he'd react to touch now. You rested your hand on the bed instead. Your heart was racing like crazy and you needed a moment to breathe and calm down a bit.

"Did you rest after I saw you last" Graves asked emotionless, still not looking at you and you saw no reason in lying to him.

"I went straight to work. Someone had to go through the reports and sort out possible breaches in security as soon as possible. But I'm fine, really" you blurted out, leaning back a bit and smiling nervously. "There is still a lot to be done so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I still don't know if any of these reports were tampered with or not..." the sudden realisation came to you. Grindelwald was working here. He had access to every single piece of information possible. There was nothing easier than changing some of the reports slightly, old and new ones. If you only knew what was he interested in the work could be done fast. However, now you had to go through all of the files that were in his hands ever since his appearance. It was a lot to check on and compare.

"You really are a stubborn one, aren't you?"Percival shook his head in disbelief and chuckled.

"There is just so much to be done and occupying my mind helps a lot. I would rather not be left alone with my thoughts." You drifted off a bit but collected yourself together and smiled quickly. "But I'm alright and it doesn't matter at the moment. Are you..."

"How long do you think anyone will believe that?" Graves scoffed and glowered at you. "You're so tired you cannot even hold up the illusion spell properly." his words made you look down on your arms, the bruises and cuts visible. Feeling embarrassed, you immediately tried to cover them as much as possible. He was right. Your mind could barely process anything other than what you were focused on at the moment, not recognising the outer world. You must have forgotten about the spell completely. At least you managed to hide that you were in pain because of your chest and leg, those weren't visible.

"I am, though" you lied swiftly so that he would leave the topic. "Come on, get better soon and help me with the files. There are lots of old ones and new ones are coming in every day. We miss you up there." 'I miss you' you thought to yourself.

"You are impossible sometimes" he laughed shortly and looked you in the eyes. "I will. I promise."

His response earned a smile from you.

"I will get going then, there is a lot to get done. I will come here after work again" you weren't exactly sure if you will even finish it, considering your life consisted of very short naps and constant workload, but you were definitely coming here again the same day. Or night. You weren't really sure which time of day it was at that moment, everything kind of merged together.

You slowly stood up so that nothing would go black due to head rush and you slowly headed to the exit, stopping right before you were about to walk out.

"Percy?" you waited until he looked up on you, a question in his eyes. "Thank you for waking up."

After you left, Percival buried his face in his hands, breaking down when no one was looking.

"It's all my fault..."


	8. Limits

You went out of the room and closed the door behind you, careful not to make any noise. So he was alright after all. The fear that Grindelwald's claws could' have sunk deep] into Graves' psyche was slowly fading away and you were hopeful that the auror will be back to himself in no time. You just had to fake your way through your own trauma long enough to be okay as well. Why were you doing that- you had no explanation for it. Maybe you weren't used to someone worrying about you, or maybe you refused the self-pity and preferred to focus all the energy on things that mattered. Needless to say, you were completely negligent towards your own health and mental state because you'd worry so much about the others.

You wanted to get back to work and started to slowly walk down the hall towards the elevator. The hospital wing was almost completely empty, there were almost none serious cases recently and the face-off in the subway left almost everyone untouched. The sight of empty hospital beds on your sides made you sigh in relief, the less people got injured the better.

Your nose got tingly, it could have been a runny nose. After all you were running around with a still wet head and exhausted, it was not hard to catch a cold this way. You wiped it with your hand mindlessly, planning to get some tissues as soon as you saw them. However, suddenly it felt like it was more than the mere little bit that you could ignore till later. You took hand away from your face and something got your attention.

Blood.

Your hand was full of blood.

You stood there paralysed not knowing what to do, the pure fear taking over you. The blood was streaming down your face and onto your clothes.

There was so much of it.

Too much.

Everything was red.

You could not breathe.

You could not think.

You just stood there, staring at your hand.

The images were flashing before your eyes, the floor full of blood, the despair that had taken over, the almost lifeless body lying in front of you. It was too much. Too much.

You had trouble breathing and you have not even realised tears started to stream down your face, mixing with the blood from your nose. Your body seemed to have given up, the cold chills have taken over you and you sank to the ground. With all the strength you had left, you closed your eyes forcefully, not wanting to see the crimson anymore. Anything but that, anything but that.

The shallow and rapid breaths were not giving you enough air and you felt like you were suffocating, the ears buzzing. No outside stimuli had a chance to get to you. There was only fear, only your heart beating as if it wanted to get out of your chest; the numbness of your mind, the warmth of the blood coming down your nose, the inability to think, to move, to breathe. And red. So much red.

You noticed some sounds as if they were coming from behind a wall, you couldn't recognise anything that someone was saying. You could feel someone grabbing your arms but at the same time it felt like it wasn't you who was grabbed, as if you were standing on the side and watching it all.

Then there was nothing.

Déjà vu has hit you. Waking up in the hospital wing again, the smell of sanitiser as the first thing you could sense... all seemed exactly the same as not so long ago. You slowly opened your eyes and sighed. The panic attack you've had seemed like a distant dream but it has left you completely exhausted, on top of pushing yourself over your limits before. It all must have caused you to faint. Sitting up carefully as to not get a headache, you looked around, visibly confused. Before you could even do anything, someone has thrown themselves on you, arms on your shoulders, and hugged you tightly. The faint smell of lavender mixed with the smell baked goods was surrounding her- you immediately recognised it must have been Queenie.

"Of course it's me, dummy. How could you exhaust yourself like that?" her soft but worried voice asked you. She pulled away and sat more comfortably on the hospital bed beside you, keeping her hand on yours and stroking it gently, in a calming manner. You didn't want to look her in the eyes, everything you've done up until then seemed utterly ridiculous to you.

"I didn't want to think about anything so I pushed myself to work. I just... didn't want to have time to think. And whenever I slept I kept having nightmares." You explained, justifying pushing yourself above your limits. After trauma people do the most ridiculous things to push it all away from them and you were no exception. Rather than focusing on yourself, you'd preferred all of the worry and care went towards the others and what was most important at the moment. You had believed that you'd get better eventually but the truth was that you just went numbly through everything, completely losing a sense of reality. This was your wake-up call.

"Oh, honey. It was not ridiculous to do this, many people have some sort of escape. But you know Teenie and I would have helped you with that. And you were all alone with everything... " Queenie looked at you sadly, knowing exactly what you were thinking about. It wasn't reasonable but completely justified, in some terms. "Tonight you're coming home with Teenie and me. We'll make sure you can rest and get better." You raised your eyebrow at her, question of whether Tina knew about it lingering in the back of your head.

"Of course she does. She went to Picquery to get you off work for a couple of days. And me too. Come on, you will get better in no time! You will see." she gave you one of those sweet reassuring smiles that made everyone believe what she was saying instantly. You gave her a small smile as well.

"I'm already scared what you have prepared." you chuckled and laid back down, exhaustion still lingering in your mind and body. The moment you got more comfortable, you started to drift off.

"We should have snatched you right when you were here the first time. All of this wouldn't have happened." The girl pouted. At least you have realised how unreasonable you were and now would be better in no time.  
"Queenie?" you asked in a sleepy voice, catching the blonde's attention. "I'm sorry I made it a bigger mess than it already was. And thank you."  
"Oh, don't worry about it, honey. But do take care of yourself first, otherwise you won't be able to go on."  
You drifted off soon, lulled by Queenie's voice and gentle touch.

The blonde witch was completely right, you felt much better when the sisters were with you. Both of them decided unanimously to move into your place for the time being and take care of you, lead your thoughts away from everything unpleasant. Tina kept going to work as she has been brought back to the position of an auror and both you and Queenie supported her in going back to what she loved doing. Meanwhile you've done quite a few trips outside of New York together, as a part of "out of sight, out of mind" mindset the blonde Goldstein sister has introduced. It worked quite wonderfully. Being in nature has recharged your batteries and brought peace to your mind and heart, an ease which you haven't once felt in the city since discovering Grindelwald. The first night was tough and you kept waking up, sweating enormously, sometimes screaming because of the nightmares. Queenie came to you and laid beside you, hugging you tightly and waiting till you fell asleep again.

Every day was a bit better than the other, you caught yourself smiling and laughing again, not thinking about the past events at all. You still were having some episodes, you were not handling seeing blood very good but with each passing day you got more and more back to your past self. You owed Queenie so much. She has kept you busy at all times so that you didn't even have time to think about the past events, what more, all those activities seemed like a true vacation and break from the job as well as getting enough rest. She worked wonders with discovering new places and bringing you there, cooking together and secretly going for a muggle play in a theatre, which actually was a quite good one.

A week has passed in what seemed like a second, being in presence of a friendly face has worked wonders for you. You've gained strength, slept surprisingly well, the last night before work not waking up even once; and haven't skipped any meals, nor worked full night. All seemed to be well again, well enough that you could go back to work soon without it being a strain to your health and without you making mistakes due to exhaustion.

You were making yourself ready to get back to MACUSA and return to the normal life of an auror. Sudden anxiety has taken over you- this whole week you had only thought about Graves a few times. It felt guilty, forgetting about him like that. Was he getting better? Did he get discharged? You had broken the promise to visit him the day you had a panic attack and felt bad about it. But now that your mindset has changed, you scoffed at the thought that he'd put much thought into it, especially if he asked someone. But why would he ask? You were friends, that's true, but nothing more. It was obvious he'd get worried about you and you'd get worried about him, just like you'd get worried about Tina or Queenie. 

Nevertheless, you felt guilty about abandoning him for the whole week, not coming by even once. You'd love to visit him as soon as you were at MACUSA but were perfectly aware that duties had to come first this time- you missed too many days to just randomly ignore the whole schedule. You'd have to wait till the lunch break to come to the hospital wing. 

The clothes you've prepared the last night were laying on the back of the chair. You put everything on, making sure everything was ironed and laying how it's supposed to. Image one gives was always important. Meanwhile, you kept thinking about Percival. Was he completely alone or did someone keep him company, at least for a bit? Was he getting better, mentally? If these events had such influence on you, you didn't even want to think what it all could have done on him. You quickly took care of your hair and makeup, making sure everything looked flawless. The scratches and bruises have healed almost completely and there was barely any injury left on your body that would be visible. You still had some trouble while under excess physical activity due to the broken rib, but it was nothing you couldn't manage. With getting healthier, your mindset also came back to how it used to be- more laid-back, positive, rational. 

You looked up at the mirror. Nothing was left of the exhausted and sleep deprived person with bags under their eyes. The trauma, although terrifying, has not broken you. Grindelwald has not broken you.

You were still standing.

Still breathing.

Ready to fight.


	9. Office

Entering the main hall of MACUSA felt surreal, different memories mixing up with each other, different feelings about this place. You took a deep breath and went up the stairs, happy to be back and finally be better. Although you weren't gone for long, it felt like an eternity since you actually felt this light. It's been a long time since you've been feeling fully yourself walking down those halls. You looked up at the clock- the danger has gone down significantly, now the arms of the watch being only at level 3 -high alert. The whole area seemed lighter and the visible tension has disappeared, people going back to joking with each other and not take as many things seriously. The light coming in from the countless windows of the lobby was bringing a softness to the harsh and dark structures.

You took a deep breath.

It was good to be back.

Putting hands in pocket of your coat, your steps led you to the stairs towards the elevators, greeting the people you knew on the way. Alright. Let's start again, this time properly, normally.

You had entered the lift, asked to take you to your office, and waited till the elf would take you there.

"Wait! Hold the door!" A man quickly caught up to the lift and entered, panting a little bit as he had sprinted a bit.

"Ah, (Y/N), fancy seeing you here. I assume your holidays are over and all is good again?" The man asked you in an upbeat tone. He was taller than you, slim. His high cheekbones complimented his baby blue eyes and a stubble completed the look. His name was Thomas, you've worked together on a few missions and got along quite well. He was a bit older than you but that didn't stop him from behaving like a child sometimes, plus you were theoretically his superior.  
Now he looked at you attentively, smiling.

"Oh, right, I'd like to go to the archives, section D, please" he quickly said to the elf and his attention was fully back to you. The lift took off.

"Quite right. Nothing stands in the way of me going back to work." You gave him a small smile. It was so amazing to be amongst people again, you had not even realised how out of place you've been.

"I hope you don't lose that mindset. We have a little mess right now called: check which files have been tampered with. I think it's safe to say that half of MACUSA is on it right now." Thomas chuckled and at that moment you've arrived to your floor.

"Honestly I'm not at all surprised by that. I guess I'll see you around?" You stepped out of the lift and waved him goodbye.

"Wait, maybe you'd want to get lunch together later?" He quickly asked before the elf would lead him elsewhere.

"I'm sorry, I can't. Another time!" You have him an apologetic smile.

The heels clicked as you turned around, your steps leading you immediately to Picquery's office to report yourself ready and get directions from her. Thoughts of who was replacing Graves in his absence have filled your head as you were getting closer to the room, hopefully madame president has not taken all the hard work on herself and nothing has been neglected due to the recent events. There was barely anyone who would be able to match Graves' experience and professionalism- that was only natural, he was a descendant of one of the twelve original American Aurors after all. You've been assigned as his assistant before you became partners and you knew that the amount of tasks to be done could be enormous sometimes, especially in the periods of high danger of exposing the magical community. The worst was the paperwork, endless nights spent together working over what seemed like millions of pieces of paper and thousands cups of coffee laying around came to tour mind immediately. The memory brought a smile on your face, which was wiped off as soon as you've reached the destination.

The heavy doors were wide open, which rarely happened when it came to Picquery. She valued privacy, peace and quiet so it was a rather unusual sight. You knocked lightly and entered- the first thing to notice being an enormous amount of documents laying on the shelves and the table. A couple of people whom you have never seen before were walking around, some in a quite nervous pace, others were standing and browsing the drawers, taking folders out and putting others back in one by one. No one even paid attention to you entering That was a reality check. The situation was a mess.

Picquery, though, was nowhere to be seen. Stepping inside, you had a glance around the office to make sure you have not just skipped her. Suddenly one of the witches working by the table looked up and saw you.  
"(Y/N)!" Tina rose up and came to you quickly. "You're back already! It's really good to see you, but I don't have a second to spare, my hands are full right now."  
"It will just be a second, I can't seem to find Mrs. Picquery. Did she go somewhere?"  
"Madame President is in the office on the eleventh floor, the one that has been empty for a while." You looked at her puzzled." The one with the big windows? Oh come on, you must know which one."

"Sure... I guess I know..." Tina's face expression was hinting that if asked more questions, she wouldn't hesitate to kill. "I'm joking, Tina, of course I know which one. I won't keep you any longer." You, in fact, had no idea where to go. Fake it till you make it, right?

The witch smiled tiredly and went straight back to the documents she was looking through while you went out and started searching for the right room. It took a while to finally find it as it was the farthest from the elevator and stairs it could be. You were still uncertain whether the light mahogany doors were the right place. There was nothing left to do but knock.

"Come in!" Picquery's voice could be heard from the other side. A light push and you were in. This office was more spacious than you had thought before, you had entered a small hall with shelves for documents on both sides, along with a coat hanger and a coffee table on the right and a big mirror right in front of you. You had to turn left right before it to get to the proper working space.

"Are you sure this is the right place? I understand why you'd want it but still, I prefer having you closer to the other major offices." Since you entered a quiet conversation could be heard. So Picquery wasn't alone in here... Who could she be with, though? You could hear a manly voice responding, though it was quiet enough so that you weren't able to understand what he was talking about. It sounded... familiar?

"No, I know, you're right. But don't feel forced to do anything, we need you at your sharpest to... Ah, miss (L/N)! You're back!" Madame President has noticed your presence not long after you have turned the corner. The sun coming through the windows was blinding, forcing you to cover eyes at an instant. Once you got used to the brightness, though, you could see the whole room really was impressive-spacious, light, with high ceiling and wooden floor. A big desk in the middle of it and more shelves to the side, standing in chaos, which indicated that the whole place was only being made ready right now. Seemed almost like a moving in day in an apartment

"It's actually perfect timing, good that I don't have to fetch for you. I understand you're ready to go back to work?" the witch approached you and then led further into the room.

"Yes, Madame President, I just wanted to report ready for work and to get assigned to the post." You nodded along before Picquery, very casually, sat on the table and has shown you to do the same. You followed and sat on the other side, facing her.

"It has been a tad of a chaos, honestly. However, I'm certainly glad to have you back. Do you like it?" the president looked around the room and then her eyes went back to you.

"It's impressive. I didn't know offices could look like that, it seems... homey, almost."

"Good. Because from now on this is where you'll work."

What Picquery just said has made you stunned. New office? Here? It seemed sudden, to say the least. MACUSA was not known to have comfortable and spacious working places, in fact, it was quite the opposite. Not that anyone minded, but this seemed too good to be true. Before you could think anything more about it, your thoughts were interrupted by the witch sitting next to you.

"You'll also be taking up a position of Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Temporarily, of course, unless you'll be more capable at the job than Mr Graves."

"Wait, what?" you were so dumbfounded you completely forgot to suppress the casual reaction. After realising what you just said, you lowered eyes in embarrassment. "I mean, it's an honour, Madame President, but it's such a huge responsibility and so sudden..."

"Do you really want me to do it on my own? Or are you saying that you are not capable enough to be a director?"

"Oh, no, no, I'm just... surprised, that's all." All this time you were hoping that Graves got better but you getting his job now did not seem like it. "I hope I won't have to do it for long, though."

"Well, then if everything is clear, I will leave you two alone." Picquery stood up and headed to the hallway. Wait. You two? What now? "Oh, I haven't mentioned it to you earlier, but you will not be working alone in that position, or without mentoring. Your partner has actually been here for a while now, I expect you will get everything done quickly and get to the work in no time. That would be all."

"Yes, Madame President." A low male voice answered just as you were opening your mouth to say the same. Your head turned towards the sound almost immediately, looking for the source of it, so dear to you you had no idea how much you missed it.

He was leaning against the wall to your side, wearing only a white shirt with tucked sleeves and black slacks. Freshly shaven and with neatly combed hair, the only visible signs of the past events were a few bruises that were still visible on his forearms and neck, other than that he looked perfectly fine. Even his eyes had the same mysteriousness in them as before, making it impossible to know what he was thinking about. Noticing you staring at him, he looked down at how he was dressed quickly before lazily pushing himself away from the wall and going to pick up the tie that just happened to lie on the chair by the table you were sitting on. It was safe to say your face became an open book because of the sight before you.

"Would you please excuse my attire, I was in the middle of arranging the office. I guess we're back to the old times...?" Percival has said while grabbing the tie and tying it around his neck.

Those were too many surprises for you for one day, especially it being first day back from holiday. You needed a second to come out of the state of shock and many, many many other feelings. So many questions were circling in your head and you certainly did not have a clear enough head to rationally choose any of them. He seemed to have noticed that.

"You must have many questions, I assume. I do, too. However, work comes first. It has been a while and I'm sure there is a lot to catch up on. I'm going to show you everything you need to know for the new position after we make this an adequate working space." His tone was authoritative enough that it made you withhold any questions you may have had and wait for later. Besides, curiosity was eating you alive- why were you chosen to take over his position? Why was he discharged already? Why were you sharing an office now, and so far away from all the others? What could he possibly want to ask you about? All these needed to wait. For now. You were just enjoying the fact that your friend is back, seemingly unshaken and collected. Just the way he used to be.


	10. New arrangements

The first thing you did was checking the whole office out, apparently there was not only the hall and working area, but also two separate rooms on both sides, with simple sofas where either of you could sleep. It was obvious that Picquery had taken in account both of you being workaholics and has equipped the place accordingly. Although you certainly appreciated that, the whole situation had seemed... unusual, to say the least.

The next couple of hours were spent on furnishing and arranging the office. There were many shelves and documents to sort through, as well as establishing the working arrangement. Apart from discussing what goes where, Percival and you barely talked but it was a comfortable silence, one filled with focus and feeling of accomplishment. The work was going quite quickly as you have been used to each others' presence and preferences, discussions weren't really lasting long and soon enough you were done, using no magic at all. It felt right. It felt good to just do mindless physical work and focus on just the task at hand, with no hidden meanings, no clues to be found, nothing to be suspicious of. These couple of hours were refreshing.

After finishing everything and making the office look proper, with shelves standing by the walls as well as creating small walls throughout the place, with your respective tables turned towards the windows and having one more table splitting them from each other by being place sideways in between. You suspected that would be where all the documents would land. There were a few more desks by the window and scattered in between the shelves so that taking out and sorting the papers while working on cases would be easier.

You were finally done. You had not even realised how tiring physical work was till you found yourself out of breath and thirsty, fully ready for the lunch break. Sitting on your desk and slowly sipping on water, you stole a glance at Percival. His shirt was undone, showing more scars. The man beside you seemed just like you have known him before- stoic, collected, unshaken. You caught yourself staring at him for a little bit too long as he was swallowing the water, the moment he furrowed his eyebrows a bit and looked over at you, you quickly turned away as if nothing had happened. What you did not see was a light smirk taking over his features as he faced forward again.

"It feels like yesterday that we've been partners in the obscurial case in Canada." You had initiated the conversation, staring at the city below you. The circumstances were odd but felt right and at that very moment you have decided not to push anything, leave the relations between you as they were- friends. The thought of losing him was scary enough and the awkwardness after you had let your emotions go in the hospital wing has certainly dissuaded you from acting on them further. You were completely fine with that, although it hurt a bit.

"So it does. Do you still remember what I told you then? Right before we went in hot" Graves answered with a short chuckle at the beginning, crossing arms on his chest and following your gaze.

"That if we don't manage to deal with it, no one will?"

"That after all this is over I would love to work with you again." You looked at him immediately as he had said those words, not understanding why he would bring that up now. Percival was still looking forward, very aware of your gaze. Silence lingered in the room for a moment before he spoke again, this time in a much more emotionless tone, cornering on a whisper. "You could have died."

"So could you."

"That's beside the point. Why would you use such dangerous spell?" Now you were sure he was back to his normal self and felt much more comfortable. If he had the strength to nag you, he got better. Your shoulders relaxed, you didn't even realise you were this tense.

"You have read my report so you know the answer." No response from him made you speak further. You knew him well enough to be aware that he did not take such responses for an answer but then again, you really wanted to leave it in the past, not come back to it. Talking about the events from weeks ago always came with pain and inconvenience of remembering every single detail, after the week of not paying a thought to Grindelwald. A sigh escaped your lips as you crossed arms on your chest and stared numbly forward. "Please, Percival, don't push me about it. It's not a comfortable topic. I don't want to remember it all."

Without you even realising it, Graves has come over and was now standing over you, hands in pockets and serious expression on his face. You looked up to face him and your eyes went wide.

For a millisecond a flash of memories took over your mind and you have seen him bloody, barely breathing, barely alive. You blinked and it was gone. You turned your head sideways automatically as soon as you have had the vision. It would take some time to get used to.

You could hear the man beside you taking a deep breath before he spoke again, this time incredibly softly.

"Don't use it ever again. We have no idea how far the spell's effects reach. We're both very lucky that it played out well." He emphasised the word very, which sounded both like he was relieved and cautious. The calm facade of his voice and posture still remained unshaken.

"That was a calculated risk. It was either this or doing nothing and risking you..." the word 'dying' could not make it through your throat. That situation had been way too real to speak about it this lightly.

"Thank you." He said softly while taking a step closer, not breaking eye contact. Warmth glowed in his eyes as he looked at you. He was so close. " Thank you for saving me."

"I'm pretty sure you'd do the same." Your sight was wandering around the room, not being able to look at him directly. Then a memory of your first meeting when Percival woke up came to you. "Why did you think I was dead when we first met? What happened there? Was I... Was he really doing something to me while I was under his spell? I don't remember anything..."

Graves' face went blank and warmth disappeared from his eyes, being replaced by impenetrable darkness. Something had happened there while he was locked up, what was it? You had your speculations but still wanted to know the truth. Not at the cost of his well-being, though.

"Doesn't matter. Let's go for lunch? I'm starving." Forcing a smile, you changed the topic and started going towards the exit.

"We have work to do." the man replied sternly.

"Oh, come on, Mr Graves, we can't possibly starve ourselves while being here. If you insist on staying, I will just disappear for a moment and be right back with our lunch. The usual?" Assuming silence was a yes, you proceeded to go to the cafeteria and pick up the food. With a hand on the handle, you were already opening the door when a sudden force closed it shut. In the corner of your eye you could see Percival's hand resting against the door, could feel his breath on your neck.

"Percival, why..."

"Don't take too long, I expect you back in ten" was all he said before pulling back and letting you go. Why the sudden change in the demeanour? It was too confusing for you, you just snuck out and quickly headed to the cafeteria.

**Percival's POV**

After you had left, he tiredly leaned against the wall and brushed his fingers through his hair. Why was it all so hard? He has not recovered yet and still has come back to work. The office was chosen because he wanted his working place to be the furthest from what he has been experiencing the past months. He was barely going outside, feeling the seemingly distrustful or pitiful gazes of the fellow witches and wizards sent his way. Although it has never bothered him before, now the feeling was a proof of his failure every single step.

Percival looked at himself in the mirror, checking if the illusion spell covering some of his worse wounds was working correctly. Everything seemed to be in order. He massaged the heavily bruised shoulder and tucked his hair back neatly again.

Staying in the hospital has grown tiresome and uncomfortable, considering that in Percival's mind he has been a burden for too long. After all, it was his fault that Grindelwald has penetrated MACUSA and put his hands on the second highest position possible.

Taking heavy steps back to his desk, the man kept thinking about what he was doing, what he's supposed to do now. It was too late to push you away now, the harm has been done and Grindelwald knew and has used you. He was also most certainly aware that neither of you have died. All Graves could do right now was protect you at all cost, to never see you in pain again. Especially not because of him.

It was all his fault. If he didn't care for you that much nothing would have happened; if he had been more careful in Europe, Grindelwald would never have had the opportunity to capture him and use him.

It was all his fault. And now he had to see it every day.

 **Your POV**  
You had come back as fast as possible only to see Percival going through the papers, focused so much that he hadn't even noticed your return. Placing his lunch in front of him, you sat down on the table in the middle and dug straight in your sandwich. Something has been bothering him, you could feel it, something was not right. Percival only has such mood switches when he has been having internal discussions about something or he had suddenly changed plans.

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, both of you getting used to the new working place and being entirely focused on the tasks at hand. Percival has shown you all the responsibilities you'd be taking on in your new position and suddenly your respect for him grew even more. How has he been handling so many tasks with both positions, you had no idea. However, taking it off his shoulders was the least you could do while he was still recovering.

It seemed like yesterday that you had been working together- and it hasn't changed one bit. Both fully focused on the papers and losing track of time, passing each other documents and asking about opinion from time to time. It was comfortable, the most comfortable you have felt in a while.

The separate "bedrooms" have been in quite a use, especially in the first few days as you've had mountains of dossiers to look at and correct, as well as managing the chaos that has presented itself while both of you have been gone. You barely went out of the office, just jumping to get something to eat and apparating at your home to take showers and change clothes. Soon enough, though, the office has become your second home, just like in the times before Grindelwald.

Percival has been reasonably warm towards you, like before, but was keeping his distance, not joining you for breaks or to take a walk outside. Not even to go pick up new documents concerning you both. His eyes were glued to the documents and while you've been going home regularly, you've never actually seen him leave. Graves was definitely taking the term "married to the job" to the extremes. The worst in it was that you could see how exhausted he was sometimes, letting go of his clean appearance and almost falling asleep at his desk. As time went by, his state was increasingly worrying you.

Especially one night when he had already retired while you've been working late hours into the night. Sudden faint noises from his room had gone by almost unnoticed, but the louder it had gotten, the more your concerns had grown. You had left the documents and quickly had gone towards the closed door, only to hear him half-screaming something, you couldn't make out what it was. Scared, you had gone inside and kneeled by his bed immediately, as soon as you had seen him thrashing about, clenching the covers in his fists, screaming, not able to wake up.

"Wake up. Percy wake up." You had whispered, putting hand on his arm and nudging him a little bit, trying to pull him out of the nightmare.

Percival's eyes had shot wide open and before you had even realised what was happening, you have been on the bed, under him, his hands clenching your wrists. His chest has been moving up and down while he had been trying to catch a breath.

"Percy." You spoke quietly, although his reaction had you by surprise and had startled you. Your heart has been trying to find a way out of your chest, you have been sure the rapid beating of it could be heard loud and clear. "Percy. It's okay, it was just a dream. Alright? It was just a dream"

"(Y/N)...?" It had taken him a while to actually see and once he did, he had let you go quickly and backed down, sitting against the wall. Percival hasn't been well, you could see now the sweat coming down his forehead, his shaky breath and wondering sight.

You had gone off the bed and kneeled in front of him, putting a hand on top of his to catch his attention.

"I'll go and grab you a glass of water, okay? I'll be back soon"

You had done as you said and been back within half a minute. A dark aura had been surrounding him, an aura you have never felt before coming from him. It has been unsettling, to say the least. Percival hasn't even lifted his gaze when you had walked in again, just has taken the water and drunk it in one sip.

"Percival, is..."

"I'm fine." 

The nightmares kept repeating themselves, if not every night then every now and then. You never knew what they were about and Percival was never talking about them. The scheme was alway the same: you heard him from the office, came to wake him up, he got all gloomy but sent you away immediately, and the very next day he was back to his normal, strict self. You could do nothing about it and even if you could, he didn't let you nor need you and you didn't want to impose yourself on him. However, what he didn't know was that every time he had gone to sleep after having a nightmare, you've been staying by the wall beside his bedroom for at least half an hour till you made sure nothing more was bothering him.

Graves started showing more warmth after around one or two weeks, greeting you with a fresh coffee and an occasional smile. The schedule was almost the same every day, you both going through the documents together in the morning and then getting on with your own jobs after it was finished. At one point you started getting some field missions from Picquery as well and had finally begun being the public persona a head of department should be. The office was left to only Percival's disposition for majority of the day most days a week as you've been running through MACUSA and doing small business on town. He, on the other hand, was disappearing to Merlin knows where in the evenings sometimes, coming back at a late hour when you've already decided to get a couple of hours of rest. He still made some noise that was waking you up, but you never cared for it that much, being too exhausted to even open your eyes.

What was strange was that in some mornings you were discovering bruises and scratches in the places on your body and you had no idea how the hell they even got here during the night. Those mornings Percival seemed extremely exhausted, although he was covering it well. He has also gotten jumpy and very sensitive to sudden noises, which you completely understood because you caught yourself being like that as well. The events with Grindelwald made both of you more cautious of your surroundings and sensitive to any change as well as a little bit more suspicious.

Life went on in this way, Percival and you working in perfect harmony, looking out for each other and treating each other to something nice every now and then. Some would even say you looked like an old couple, knowing each others' habits and quirks perfectly, almost as if you were reading each others' minds. You were certainly married to the job.

That was, until the information got out that Grindelwald had escaped while being transported to Europe for trial and Picquery held an urgent meeting for all the aurors.


	11. Unexpected emergency

You were standing by the window and sipping on your morning coffee while looking at the city below. The morning fog made the streets look almost serene despite all the people in the rush down there, going to work, catching up with others. The sun was shining through the space between the taller buildings and once again you were quite content that this office was assigned to you. The silence and loneliness was quite pleasurable, it would still take a little bit of time till Graves would appear, fully groomed and ready for work. Over time your relationship has come back to normal again, remaining the professional and trustworthy bond that you shared between each other with small acts of kindness in between the endless reports. However, the past experiences and their influence on each of you were glooming over you and sometimes reminding of themselves in various forms. You'd wake up in the middle of the night, cold sweat going down your back and would have to stop yourself from sobbing. Other times a feeling of someone watching you while you've been on the move in MACUSA had freezer you on the spot and an inexplicable fear was creeping its way to your mind. 

The job as Head of Magical Law Enforcement has been very demanding and was connected with countless new, serious responsibilities. It was no longer "one man for themselves", just looking out to do your job well. Now you had to assign aurors to missions according to their capacity and talents, be constantly aware of what was happening within MACUSA walls and be up to date with all the information about possible breaches of security and the magical world being discovered by No-Maj community. Needless to say, a 24-hour has not been nearly enough for you to manage to work on everything and often staying f0r an extra day during the weekend to finish all the reports and going through personnel files to assign the jobs correctly was necessary. Sometimes lack of sleep was becoming a new normal, not only having to coordinate and check the jobs of others, but also having missions of yours as well. 

In all honesty, the past week or so you barely saw Percival, only for the morning briefings when you made daily reports and eventually asked him about issues you weren't sure about. Apart from that, you've been running around a lot and had many tasks at hand that have been occupying your mind. Days merged together and apart from the single free days, everything was the same, just busy with cleaning up the messes of the followers of Grindelwald that have decided to rise every now and then. Needless to say, there was a large number of confiscated wands in the treasury and many wizards and witches in prison.

Suddenly, one of the only moments of peace you could enjoy during the day was interrupted by an opening door. You turned around to see a house elf with a parchment, he behaved as if he has been yelled at and rushed in a great distress to deliver the message. He quickly gave it to you without a word and rushed outside, bag with other sealed letters hanging on his bag. He was gone within a second. This was not a normal situation, you quickly put your coffee down and opened the letter.

It flew right out of your hand and started to speak with Madame President's voice.

"Heads of departments and directors,

An international emergency had appeared that need our immediate attention. Your presence in the small assembly is required as soon as you receive this message, the disabling spells on apparate had been lifted for your wands for this occurrence. You may not, under any circumstance, miss the assembly, nor bring or inform other aurors until the matter has been discussed.

I expect to see you all shortly and without unnecessary delays."

The sudden call for all the supervisors was definitely unexpected, Picquery would normally resort to it only in the states of serious emergency that you had a vague idea about, since this was your first case like this in a higher position. The procedure was quite rushed as well, as if Madame President only had had seconds to summarise the orders. It was all weird and unusual, to say the least. Nevertheless, the situation sounded serious if it came to the point of hurried information channels.

You walked towards Percival's room in a rushed pace, and knocked on the door, the letter in your hand.

"Mr Graves? Madame President is requiring our presence at the assembly immediately." Silence." Mr Graves, it seems quite..." as you were about to knock again, the door opened and the man's figure appeared in the frame. Before you were able to actually hit him by accident, he grabbed your wrist and stopped it. "... important." you've finished the sentence in a whisper. Your eyes went wide in shock and you stared at your hand being in his, before turning the sight to his face. He looked surprised as well, however only a slight lift of eyebrows and a slightly disoriented look in his eyes were showing that. You felt your cheeks getting hot from the unexpected situation, his hand lingering there for a bit too long to be explained with the first automatic reaction. Embarrassed, you looked away, he let go of you and you handed him the letter that you were holding onto tightly.

"Th-the letter. Madame President. We'll meet there." Once he took it, you quickly took out the wand and apparated yourself into the assembly room and walked towards the designated for you spot mindlessly, sinking into the chair. Why the hell would you run away from there this quickly, and not even look at him? There was nothing going on between you two and you thought you had already made your peace with that. It was comfortable to work together but you were completely not ready for surprises like this. 

Being deep in thought, you had not even realised when all the aurors have gathered and only Picquery's powerful voice has made you come back to reality instead of beating yourself up for allowing your small infatuation to come to light again. You looked straight to the President walking down towards the middle of the hall, you didn't fail to notice Percival sitting on her right side as a second-in-command in MACUSA. The rest of the people, along with you, were sitting on the sides of the room.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice.

As I've noted in letters, a serious international risk has emerged last night that we need to address. Under maximum secrecy, Grindelwald was supposed to be transported in a high security carriage provided by the Ministry of Magic to London, where he would face trial for his crimes in Europe."

The name sent chills down your spine and you were sure that your concern was clearly visible in your face. You looked over to Percival involuntarily. He was as unreadable as ever, leaning forward, resting his arms on his thighs, listening closely. You looked over at him only for a second before turning your full attention back to Picquery.

"However, we have not predicted the extent of his influence. I regret to inform you that Grindelwald had escaped last night. The breeches of security are to be considered severe until further notice and investigation."

The last sentence was barely audible as the wizards and witches had started to raise their voices in uproar. You felt as if the spirit left your body and the blood froze up in your veins. It could not be true, the only reason you could rest at night somewhat peacefully was because you knew that this man was locked up and kept away from everything and everyone. Some people were standing up in disbelief, but everyone was soon enough forced to take back their seats and calm down by Picquery's eyes throwing daggers.

"Magical departments of several countries are now working together and deploying aurors to find him. We know only that he is currently somewhere in Europe as the carriage transporting him had been found in Germany. Every ministry is to assign a small number of qualified and experienced aurors to help to capture him as soon as possible. As the case relies heavily on the European part, it gives us time to collect all the available information and deploy our best to respond to this... negligence. I have already discussed with Mr Graves the potential candidatures and need your opinion on them. You are all welcome to make reasonable suggestions before we announce it to the aurors and staff to make the information come from us first instead of the newspapers. Choose wisely as the international image of MACUSA and safety of people are dependent on the performance of our representation."

Now the whole hall was silent, the meaning of the situation was sinking in. It was serious, a lot more serious than you'd ever imagine. Grindelwald's escape was a grave hit to the competence of MACUSA and could have big consequences. The right choice was essential to not increasing the chance of capturing him again, but also to retrieve the image of American wizard society. A lot was on the line.

But to you it mattered more, it was a personal case. This man had almost broken you, Percival, has almost led to the death of both of you. You were scared. But more than that, you were angry and disappointed. He deserved to be locked up for the rest of his life and now he was free again, and who knows how many people were in danger. 

You looked across the hall to Percival, exchanging glances with him. A silent question about him knowing about the situation beforehand was lingering on your face and upon seeing that, he just shook his head slightly. He stood up and joined Madame President in the middle. And you felt like a complete idiot, informing him in the morning being completely unnecessary since he had known about the assembly before anyone else.

"We have no excuse for letting that man escape. The consequences of the disruption at MACUSA have reached even further than we have thought and despite tireless work of our aurors, the security has been breached again. All employees are to be on close watch, effective immediately."

Aurors started to stand up almost immediately after Graves finished his announcement, many of them voicing their disapproval of the measures. 

"As important as this announcement is, the assembly's current focus is narrowing down the representation to recapture Grindelwald. He may be after Credence Barebone, in whom he was proven to develop interest prior to his arrest. The list of our suggestions goes as following" Madame President's voice broke through the crowd once again as she started listing around a dozen of aurors. The names apart from Tina's escaped your attention as you were sitting deep in thought, considering what the best options for everyone were right now. After Picquery was done, the discussion has started, quite an organised one as aurors were standing up in an orderly fashion and giving their suggestions or supporting the chosen candidate.

You still had to come to terms with the fact that Grindelwald was alive and free. Never have you thought that this man was going to be breathing fresh air again, even less that he'd have the freedom, doing whatever he wanted. Trying to keep a clear mind, you started analysing the situation. You felt your hands starting to tremble so you put one fist into the other and rested your face on them, lips touching the fingers, elbows on your thighs. 

Grindelwald was probably aware of the hunting party that would be sent his way, and most probably reconnected with his followers in Europe. There were many of them, if the news from across the ocean were to be believed. A big number of aurors, however powerful they may be, would not do any good since that was exactly how Graves has been captured previously and many wizards and witches were lost. The best way would be to have one-two highly cooperative and team-oriented representatives working together in the shadows, as invisible as possible, and use the element of surprise to capture him. There would be a chance for a bigger clash and that's why it would probably be profitable to have a small unit of wizards and witches who were excellent in battle.

Your trail of thought has been interrupted by someone calling your name. At first disoriented, you looked up to see Madame President looking at you expectantly. 

"What do you think of the matter? You are one of the people who have an insight into more information." She directed a question at you. Insight? Hardly, you just had some common sense. You stood up and looked around to see people's eyes settled on you. Some of them full of disrespect, as if whatever you say would be of no worth, no matter what it would be. You took a deep breath, battling the uneasiness it made you feel.

"The choice is more difficult than it would seem, Madame President. We have to be very careful, since Grindelwald" saying his name out loud felt like swallowing acid to you " most probably knows that at least a couple of ministries are going to be after him. We have to be acting in the shadows if we are not to breach the status of secrecy in Europe."

"What would you suggest then?" President's attention was fully on you, as well as Percival's, who was standing right beside her, visibly tense.

"Aurors who can act without drawing attention to themselves. One or two, no more. I would suggest Tina Goldstein, since she was close with Credence Barebone and from what I heard, played a key role during the case of obscurial. She will know how to find Credence, and by finding him, she will also be able to track down Grindelwald. Her passion and devotion has never failed MACUSA." Some people scoffed at your answer, some you could see nodding from the corner of your eye. 

"Quite many of you have mentioned her as a good candidate, I see. Very well then, I agree Mrs Goldstein is one of your most prominent aurors to join on the mission." Madame President seemed quite satisfied in your answer, and Graves eased up bit. Now came the more... controversial part.

"With all respect, Madame President, I also think that in such a fragile case we need a constant flow of information to quickly give new clues to the aurors on the frontline. As you've mentioned before, I have some more insight into the matter, which is why I'd like to accompany the aurors to analyse Grindelwald's action and increase the probability of capturing him. His... habits, or preferences are more known to me and with some help, I could remember more details, which will give me the possibility for a better assessment of the situation. He is a quite charismatic man, having pulled many people to become his followers by appealing to what they valued the most. Both Tina and I have already experience with it so for us it shouldn't be a problem. As we are rather close, working together would be easy and efficient."

It seemed like everyone was surprised that you would suggest to go yourself. In reality nobody wanted to take an international matter in their hands, even despite many skilled aurors there being better than you or Tina. However, most of them were needed on the higher positions to make the ministry work. They got used to office work and probably the very thought of volunteering out of it and going across the ocean was the last thing they would think of.

"Miss (L/N), I don't think..." Graves took a step towards you, tensing up again, before he got interrupted by Madame President, stepping in front of him.

"Are you certain of your competence in that matter?" You thought for a second, evaluating the pros and cons, and nodded. "Very well. As this was the last person to voice their opinion on the matter and give suggestions, we shall now vote on it. The decision can be altered within the next few days in case of any new issues coming up."

The voting took a little while since you would vote for assigned by compatibility teams and not for single aurors. As the last two options to choose from there was a vote between you and Tina and two other aurors whose name escaped your memory. 

"The assembly has decided. Mr Milnus, please, inform Miss Goldstein about her newly assigned mission and give her a pass to have free access to all departments as well as the archives. Miss (L/N), you are to go on with your duties until we assign someone to temporary take over your position while you're gone." You nodded while she turned around to glance through the room and address every auror. "The Surveillance Department is to issue a statement to the public about the situation with Grindelwald, the Major Investigation Department is going to take over informing our employees about security breeches and looking over the newly implemented measures, which have already been written down by Mr Graves. You're welcome to adapt it according to your needs, however, the core is to stay the same. That's all, everyone go back to your work."

Everyone started to talk with each other at once and started to go out of the room and back to their offices. You noticed casually as Graves has followed Picquery out, angrily. You made nothing of that and just started to think about the course of action that you'd have to take next. Now the possibility of capturing Grindelwald and this time making sure he'd be sent to trial and sentenced made you feel at ease. You were not going to be just standing by and afraid, you now had the possibility to face him head on and make him regret he ever underestimated you, spared you. While at the beginning of the assembly you had felt fear and insecurity, now you were confident. You would know what you were facing and it was much better to be active and invested in the search, having a vague idea about his whereabouts, rather than looking over your shoulder every day, in constant fear of not knowing. 

You stood up and apparated in your office. Straightening your skirt, you went over to the file cabinets to look for the information on Grindelwald and possible places where he could be. There was not much there and you had to later go to the archives to search for specific reports from the British, French and German ministries about his followers' activity. 

You looked over your shoulder and noticed that you still had the reports to go through from this morning and as much as you wanted to focus all you time and resources to trying to capture that man, you still were a head of the department and had a lot of tasks at hand, like every day. Unwillingly, you left all the documents you've been browsing through on top of the cabinet and went back to your main desk, spreading the sheets of paper on it and looking through them, picking up the ones that required your immediate attention and scanning their content. Despite not being able to focus on them completely, you tried your best to do so, reading over the text a couple of times to make sure you understood it correctly.

The door to the office opened rapidly, slamming loudly soon after. You could hear the strong steps behind you, you ignored them though and kept sorting out the files, looking for some useful information.

"(L/N)!" Percival called you, his voice cold and low. Before you realised something was wrong, you turned around automatically at the sound of your name, not making anything out of it. As soon as you did that, you got pinned to the desk, Graves putting hands on both sides of you, making you completely stuck. Taking a step back was not an option as you were already almost sitting on the table. You were merely centimetres away from each other, legs almost touching. You looked up to see him staring at you with a death glare.

"Why would you want to go?! Do you have any idea what you're signing up for?! How dangerous it will be?!" He fumed, visibly holding back from exploding. Your heart was racing, you've never seen him this unsettled, not because of you. It scared you. All your confidence from just minutes ago has disappeared without a trace. Your knuckles became white from clutching the desk. He scared you.

"I know" you began slowly and very quietly, gathering the courage." And I also know that we need to make the best possible decisions we can to..."

He slammed his hand on the desk and made you jump in surprise. You looked up to his eyes and saw a mix of emotions in them, anger dominating. The darkness of them was piercing you. A few strands of his slicked back hair were now falling on his face, making him look in disarray.

"There are more than enough capable aurors in MACUSA to send twice the required amount." He ground out in a rough deep voice, controlling it more now. You had no idea what was more unsettling-when he was taken by emotions or cold and collected. "Are you really that eager to put yourself in danger? There is no hiding from that man, he knows your face, he knows your weaknesses. He is going to use it against you. The risk is greater to you than anyone else." You finally had the courage to break free, pushing one of his hands away and sliding through to the left. While you slipped to the side, he remained where he was, not turning around. He was supporting himself on the table for a second, leaning forward, before pushing himself back and standing up with a bitter chuckle. He shook his head, one of his hands rested underneath his suit on his hip. He brushed his hair with the second hand before it went over his mouth, going over the skin nervously.

"Do you think that I don't know all that?" You replied coldly while collecting the papers again. Forgiveness and forgetting what Grindelwald has put everyone through, what he's put Graves through, was not an option. You felt it was your responsibility to be a part of this case till the end, help however you could. After all, if you had just acted in a more collected manner after discovering Grindelwald's disguise, the whole situation may have been avoided. Or so you believed.

"I just cannot let him escape again. Not after all he's done."

"This is no good reason to risk your life." Percival turned around to face you.

"It's good enough for me."

"Do not forget it's not entirely up to you. As your supervisor, if I deem you unfit for the case, you are not even getting near it."

"Oh, so this is what you're doing now? Making decisions for me? Well, I'm so sorry, Mr Graves, but I am going to have to politely decline." You looked up to him a lot but this was not a place for him to decide since Picquery has already approved of you. It was not his place to misuse his position of authority over you.

"If I know what you're doing is utterly unreasonable, then yes, yes I am. This is not going to end well and we both know it. And we both know somebody needs to stop you before everything goes down." Adding to being angry at the beginning, Percival was getting visibly more and more annoyed with how stubborn you've been. 

"That'd be misuse of power that would have to be reported" You left your papers, turned to him, crossing your arms and leaning against the desk on your right. You looked at him attentively, challengingly almost.

"Not if I know that you are experiencing trauma from what had happened." He took a step closer. "Or that you can break down in the middle of the night. You're hiding all that quite well, (Y/N), but not well enough." One more step.

"That proves nothing. But alright," you didn't have any more arguments, however, giving in was not an option,"give me one good reason to stay and I will."

Percival glanced annoyed to the side before closing the distance between you completely and staring down into your eyes, saying quietly, deeply and passionately.  
"Because I don't fucking want to lose you."


	12. A bit of a smudge

„Because I don't fucking want to lose you" Percival's low voice filled the silence of the room and echoed in your ears. Your body froze. The blunt ringing from the fast heart beat filled your head. What was this? You felt like your chest could explode, yet dared not move and just stared at him in surprise. You'd expect everything but this. Saying categorically that you have other responsibilities and cannot just leave them? Sure. Using the argument of your mental state, which was completely true and you would not be able to counter it all? Definitely. But not this. You lost your voice completely. Even if you could say something, your mind was not really working either. You were a tormented mess inside.

Graves realised what he had just said and sighed, his body eased a bit, not towering over you anymore. His expression softened and for the first time since he recovered, you could see how tired, how worn out he was.

"I don't want to lose you, (Y/N). If anything were to happen to you..." Percival brushed your hair away from your face and his hand lingered there for a bit longer, as if he was unsure what to do. His eyes were full of warmth and worry as you've rarely seen before. You could feel your cheeks getting heated up and wanted to turn away in embarrassment but you were in too much shock to move even an inch. The look in his eyes was showing he had decided something and his hand moved from your cheek to the back of your neck. Before you could react it any way, he lightly pulled your head towards him, forcing you to look up, and not even a second later his lips landed on yours.

You could feel how your insides froze, your cheeks were getting even more heated up. Your eyes went wide and it took you a good moment to realise what was happening. Before you could collect yourself and react in some way, he pulled away. His hand lowered to the table you were leaning on with his fingertips touching the counter. He was visibly slumping his shoulders, looking away from you.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have..." Percival's whispered apologies were interrupted when you reached out and put your hand on his. Your sudden touch made him straighten up a bit and look back at you. You still didn't trust your voice so you did the only thing your intuition told you to do.

You leaned forward and kissed him.

Graves responded to it almost immediately.

Suddenly his left hand was on the back of your neck, pulling you forward again, this time with a bit more force, making you lift your chin to match the height of his lips. He didn't waste any time and what started as a soft touch of lips was becoming more and more passionate. You were in perfect harmony as if your lips were made for each other. Your arms went over his shoulders automatically, playing with his hair. With each second you felt your knees growing weaker, with each time he sucked on your lips you felt more out of air. As if he knew that, he quickly lifted you up and placed on the desk, his hands never leaving your body and resting on your waist. You felt him pulling your body closer against his chest, you were now sitting at the edge of the table, Percival standing right between your legs, leaning forward so that he could comfortably kiss you. His lips never left yours.

When you finally parted, both of you were panting heavily. There was no way to tell how much time has passed- it felt like hours but also seconds at the same time. Your lips felt a bit swollen. Percival backed away, his hands still on your waist, holding you steadily and domineeringly. His eyes were dark with desire and you could see he would gladly continue, however, there was something darker there as well.

Before either of you could say anything, the sound of steps had drawn your attention away from Percival. Someone has entered the office and you hadn't noticed the door opening, being so... enticed. You quickly jumped off the table and Graves automatically backed away, stepping fast to the second table and looking through documents laying around on it. You barely made it in time before Tina's figure popped from behind the corridor, her eyes stuck to the piece of paper in her hand.

"(Y/N) have you seen, we're both going to..." she looked up and her sight went from you to Percival, from Percival to you. She was visibly holding back a smile. "I... seem to have interrupted something." Tina looked at you with a knowing look and you just gazed back at her, confused. She raised her eyebrows and glanced behind you suggestively. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked back to where she was pointing to see Percival's profile by the table behind you and... your smeared lipstick on and around his lips. He seemed to be ignoring whatever was happening and to be in full focus on what was in front of him. 

A blush crept out on your features as you looked back guiltily to face Tina. You saw her mouth the word "finally" as you walked towards her quickly and took her by the arm, turning her around.

"How about we discuss that by a coffee? Coffee sounds great!" You said nervously and started to lead her outside.

"Have a nice day Mr. Graves!" Tina managed to say loudly before you took her around the corridor. "Although I think it is already going pretty nicely..." she added quietly so that only you could hear that. Your lips went in a straight line from embarrassment of being caught like that. You were about to open the door and step out of the office when the girl stopped you.

"You don't want to go out like this." she said quietly and handed you a napkin. It took you a second to get the allusion but once you did, your hand covered your lips and you glanced at her, taking the fabric out of her hand and wiping your face so that all the smudged lipstick would come off.

"Thank you. But can you please not say anything about this? What did you want to discuss?" you tried to changed the topic, looking at the papers in Tina's hand and skipping over what was written there, leading her towards the cafe and ignoring her questions about what has just happened.

**Percival's POV**

To say that the decision about you joining the Grindelwald hunting party surprised Percival was an understatement. He was aware of how passionate and devoted to the job you could get, he even had suspected you wouldn't say no if Picquery had asked you for help, but never in a million years would he have thought that you were going to **_volunteer_**. He may have had problems with his mental health after Grindelwald's doings but he was very well aware of how much strain it has put on you. The fact that you had been there almost every time Graves' state got worse was of such enormous help to him and yet he was unable to help you with what he was perfectly aware was going on. You had been hiding it all pretty well thus so far he just had had his suspicions and by the reaction to his words you have proven these assumptions to be true.

Percival listened, seemingly nonchalantly, as you went out with Tina. Hearing her whisper, his hand went to his own lips and he wiped them with a finger, only to see a red smudge that was left on it.

"Fuck" whispering, he took out a handkerchief and dipped it in a bit of water that was in a glass on the table, then proceeded to get the stain off of his face. 

This wasn't planned. Hell, it wasn't even what he had thought he'd ever do but here he was, wiping off the lipstick of his subordinate off his lips. His mind was filled with worry about what he's allowed himself to do, but his heart felt at peace for the first time in days. Now that he's seen how warmly and eagerly you have reacted, he could calm himself a bit and think of what to do next.

And there were quite some thing to think about.


End file.
